Held

There are two opinions about Christian radio: people who love it, and people who roll their eyes. The second category is not exclusive to non-Christians. You just have to be in a certain kind of mood to listen to Christian radio. My friend Anna is a rare exception that listens to it 24/7, but if you know Anna, that probably doesn't surprise you (and I mean that in a good way, Anna!) Positive and encouraging describe her perfectly and it's fitting that she listens to a station whose motto is the same.

Anyway. Most of the time I fit into the second category. I do listen to it on Sunday mornings before I go in to lead prayer meetings, because it helps me connect with God. I have about 15 minutes in the car and it's good background music while I'm having some private prayer time (I've stopped doing my makeup in the car, just fyi for those who park next to me to try to catch me).

Today was a Christian radio day, for reasons I won't really get into here because it would be gossiping, and I'm not going to do that. When my heart is hurting, I turn to the one who will comfort me, and sometimes that message gets through to me in songs. So I was on the way to Target to pick up a couple of random things, and a song comes on the radio that I'd never heard before. As I listened to the lyrics, I could feel my eyes prickle. You can probably guess what ended up happening. Yep...I definitely cried in the Target parking lot listening to this song. I had to park further away so I could be alone and not be the 'weirdo in the parking lot who was crying'. Well I guess I'm outing myself by typing this, but I'm okay with that.

Here's the thing: when I first began have an actual relationship with God, something I struggled with very much was the 'why do bad things happen to good people' question. But believing in Jesus doesn't mean your path from here on out is paved in gold and all your struggles are over. It's a when, not an if, bad things will happen, and none of us can hide from that. Unfortunately. And if you're lucky enough that you've had a pretty blessed life, thank God for that every single day. Something I've had the fortune (yes, fortune) to really learn and understand over the past year is that God never wastes a hurt. Learning how to exist and be me without my mom was really awful at first. Sometimes it still is. But those times are when God is closest, holding me and comforting me. He weeps when we weep. And He's doing that to you, too, if you're in a dark spot.

The song that made me think of all this is called "Held" by Natalie Grant. The lyrics are pretty blunt about how cruel life can be. Just in my little corner of life in Lawrence, KS, I know so many good people who are going through tough times. A friend of mine is in the process of finding out if her precious 7 month old son will ever speak due to vocal cord abnormalities. Another friend lost everything she owned in a fire last winter and is now learning how to be a single mom. A church family lost their 5 year old daughter to cancer this spring. Another friend recently suffered a miscarriage. If anyone has a right to question why bad things happen, it's them. But even in darkness, these women all know that God is right there beside them, and He's got plans for their healing that will take them places they couldn't even imagine in the thick of their pain.

Sometimes people will say things like "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my mom at a young age" to me, and the thing they don't say but are thinking is, "I couldn't do it, and I'm so sorry you have to." Until it happened to me I'm sure I felt the same way. But this song does a pretty good job of explaining how I healed. When something awful happens, and you're the one left to pick up the pieces, you can either let bitterness grow in your heart until you no longer feel anything, or you can believe that when everything else is falling apart, God is still fulfilling his promise of bringing peace to the weary, holding you up when you're unable to stand. That's what it means to be held.