How toddlers convinced my husband church doesn't suck

This is Michael's story. You've probably heard mine before (and if you haven't, you can read it if you go back to August 2010 in this blog.) Today's talk at EastLake was about sharing your story, and I asked him if he would take that step and share his, since he never has before, and he agreed if I would type it. So here we go.



"Hey, remember that time you didn't want to talk to anyone at EastLake?" I laughed as we got into our car this afternoon after church. Michael smiled but didn't say anything. But he remembers. It wasn't that long ago. The reason why I remember so well is because it was the night I was baptized in October 2010. It was an important night for me, and SOMEONE from my family was going to be there to see me do it because it meant so much to me. Since he'd returned from Maryland, he hadn't been all that interested in attending EastLake with me-I usually went alone. But all of my family lives in NC, so I pleaded for him to be there that night.

This is seared into my mind-we walked into Free Methodist, and I was so excited because it was my first worship night, and first real opportunity to introduce him to a lot of my friends. I started going to EastLake over the summer, but Michael had been interning in Maryland, so he'd missed a lot. One of my friends was at the door, and she knew it must have been him because he was with me, so she warmly greeted him by name. He barely spoke to her. I remember thinking, "who are you and what have you done with my husband?" but didn't say anything because I wanted to keep that night special. It WAS a great night, but I couldn't shake that feeling that something was going on with him, because he was completely shut down from even trying to engage with anyone or anything that was happening on stage. He was there physically, but that was it.

"I think part of it had to do with shyness?" Michael says, when I bring that night up. "Bull. I've known you long enough to know that you are NOT shy. Remember how we met? You jumped right in front of me and said, 'Hi, I don't know you!' " We both laugh.

"I guess...I was stressed out. And angry. I didn't feel like I "needed" a church to be a time suck, I had enough to deal with at school," he said.

Enough=an advisor who made Michael feel like nothing he ever did was good enough, like he was stupid, lazy, and incompetent. There's only so many times you can hear that before you just shut down. I'm not going to go into a rant about him, but let me just say this: a good advisor for graduate students can be the difference between whether they love their degree or hate it, or whether they even finish it. I know people who didn't even get a change to complete their degree because of their advisor. Part of the process of graduate school is being extremely busy, yes, but your advisor is someone who mentors you, helps you along the way, and lets you know that you're doing fine despite the feeling like you're in over your head. They're someone who will toss a life vest to you, not let you sink.

Michael was sinking. His coping mechanism for the stress at school was to get angry, because if you get angry enough, you start to close off the feelings that are hurt and just focus on that anger. So between that and dealing with a wife who had just lost her mom and was kind of a wreck, you can see why he didn't want to add another avenue that would potentially ask tough questions and ask for personal growth. That's why he didn't want to let any of my church friends into his life.

God uses so many different ways to reach people, and I love how he got hold of Michael. He used our friends' kids. Because Michael and I share one car, we had to do a juggling act with church. I was volunteering, he wasn't, so it was a lot of back and forth (when I could get him to go). One day he said, "this is dumb. I should just volunteer somewhere so we can be here at the same time." Works for me! He chose to volunteer in kids, because he's always liked them (and he's really a big kid at heart).

Volunteering in the kids wing started as stress relief. It was one hour each week where Michael could get on the floor and play with toddlers and not think of the crap going on with school. He didn't even think of it as helping the church-it was just an outlet to be silly and laugh. He learned Veggie Tales songs, which kid preferred cheerios over animal crackers, and how to change a cloth diaper. More than that, he began to let go of the anger.

But those kids...he loves them so much! It went from an hour of fun to the highlight of his week, to where he looked forward to Sundays because that meant he'd get to see Bella, or Hudson, or Emmett, or Adelayde, or any of the dozens of other babies who have captured his heart. And in volunteering, he started talking to other EastLakers and found out, just like I did, how awesome and refreshingly normal these people are. And that it was okay to need a church family and need God. One day in December of 2010 he slyly showed me his connection card...he checked off the box that he was interested in attending membership class.

In January, he switched advisors. His new advisor listens to Michael and doesn't make him feel like he'll never measure up. In fact, he recently told Michael that the paper he's working on now is stronger than any of the theses that have currently been defended by the department's graduating students (immature moment: suck on that, old advisor!)

Michael's back to the happy, loveable guy I first met in 2004. In fact, I bet many of you who know him are even questioning that he could ever be the way I described earlier in this blog. But he was, and this past year has been an amazing testament to the way God moves in peoples' lives. He led a barbecue restaurant growth group in the spring and filled it by going up to guys after sermons and saying, "Hi! Do you like food? Like barbecue? You should join my group!" He decided to get baptized, spur of the moment, in July at South Park. He still volunteers in kids, still loves it, and still thinks it's not that big of a deal-he's just happy to have time to play. For someone who values science and all things analytical, it amazes me how much he retains from Matt's talks and how his faith has grown.

He won't ever ramble on like I do, but Michael gets it. And I'm so glad I get to share life with him and be a part of the family we've made at EastLake-together.