Held

There are two opinions about Christian radio: people who love it, and people who roll their eyes. The second category is not exclusive to non-Christians. You just have to be in a certain kind of mood to listen to Christian radio. My friend Anna is a rare exception that listens to it 24/7, but if you know Anna, that probably doesn't surprise you (and I mean that in a good way, Anna!) Positive and encouraging describe her perfectly and it's fitting that she listens to a station whose motto is the same.

Anyway. Most of the time I fit into the second category. I do listen to it on Sunday mornings before I go in to lead prayer meetings, because it helps me connect with God. I have about 15 minutes in the car and it's good background music while I'm having some private prayer time (I've stopped doing my makeup in the car, just fyi for those who park next to me to try to catch me).

Today was a Christian radio day, for reasons I won't really get into here because it would be gossiping, and I'm not going to do that. When my heart is hurting, I turn to the one who will comfort me, and sometimes that message gets through to me in songs. So I was on the way to Target to pick up a couple of random things, and a song comes on the radio that I'd never heard before. As I listened to the lyrics, I could feel my eyes prickle. You can probably guess what ended up happening. Yep...I definitely cried in the Target parking lot listening to this song. I had to park further away so I could be alone and not be the 'weirdo in the parking lot who was crying'. Well I guess I'm outing myself by typing this, but I'm okay with that.

Here's the thing: when I first began have an actual relationship with God, something I struggled with very much was the 'why do bad things happen to good people' question. But believing in Jesus doesn't mean your path from here on out is paved in gold and all your struggles are over. It's a when, not an if, bad things will happen, and none of us can hide from that. Unfortunately. And if you're lucky enough that you've had a pretty blessed life, thank God for that every single day. Something I've had the fortune (yes, fortune) to really learn and understand over the past year is that God never wastes a hurt. Learning how to exist and be me without my mom was really awful at first. Sometimes it still is. But those times are when God is closest, holding me and comforting me. He weeps when we weep. And He's doing that to you, too, if you're in a dark spot.

The song that made me think of all this is called "Held" by Natalie Grant. The lyrics are pretty blunt about how cruel life can be. Just in my little corner of life in Lawrence, KS, I know so many good people who are going through tough times. A friend of mine is in the process of finding out if her precious 7 month old son will ever speak due to vocal cord abnormalities. Another friend lost everything she owned in a fire last winter and is now learning how to be a single mom. A church family lost their 5 year old daughter to cancer this spring. Another friend recently suffered a miscarriage. If anyone has a right to question why bad things happen, it's them. But even in darkness, these women all know that God is right there beside them, and He's got plans for their healing that will take them places they couldn't even imagine in the thick of their pain.

Sometimes people will say things like "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my mom at a young age" to me, and the thing they don't say but are thinking is, "I couldn't do it, and I'm so sorry you have to." Until it happened to me I'm sure I felt the same way. But this song does a pretty good job of explaining how I healed. When something awful happens, and you're the one left to pick up the pieces, you can either let bitterness grow in your heart until you no longer feel anything, or you can believe that when everything else is falling apart, God is still fulfilling his promise of bringing peace to the weary, holding you up when you're unable to stand. That's what it means to be held.

The time my husband got baptized without telling me beforehand...

So, this happened on Friday night. EastLake had its quarterly worship night, a time where we have communion, play awesome songs, people get baptized. It's a wonderful night of fellowship and shakes things up from the normal Sunday routine, and it's always been a night full of hope and spirit as we celebrate what God has done in our lives and continues to do through our church. This past Friday we switched things up and had our worship night at South Park on Mass St. It was supposed to be our traditional set up, with a stage, screens with lyrics, lights, electric guitars, the works. Rain put a kink in that plan, but I love that everyone just went with the flow and adapted to plan B. That was an acoustic set with the band up on the gazebo, and we all moved our chairs, blankets, and food over to get a better view.

It. was. awesome. It felt like an intimate, unplugged jam session. I feel like everyone who was there felt like it was supposed to be like this-I didn't hear anyone complaining about the abrupt change in plans. The rain never got past a sprinkling until much later at night, and it ended up giving us some relief from the heat. So about halfway through the set, my friend Tisha and I got up to help prepare for the baptism part of the program. I was standing near the changing tent in case anyone decided on the spur of the moment to get baptized-we have extra tshirts, shorts, and towels just in case. I just didn't think it would be my own husband who walked toward me once the people who'd scheduled their baptisms in advance were done!! I'm pretty sure I stood there with my jaw on the ground as he told me he was going up to the gazebo. My buddy Tiff had to tell me to move closer to the center so I could see him better. Honestly, it was such a beautiful moment that I really can't do it justice to try to describe it, but be assured I was a mess. I had hoped at some point Michael would take that step, but every time we talked about it, he didn't want to do it. It had to be right for him, not for me. And Friday was that night. Even if I didn't know it, he did.

*I feel like I owe a little bit of an explanation for any of Michael's family members who may read this. Yes, Michael was baptized when he was a baby. However, as meaningful as it was, it wasn't a conscious decision on his part. We believe that baptism isn't what saves you, but rather, it's a public symbol of an inner commitment to a belief in Jesus. Also, every baptism in the Bible was done by immersion, and even Jesus himself "got out of the water", so we align ourselves with our church in the belief that baptism should be done by immersion and after being of age to consciously decide to follow Christ. So that's why Michael decided to get baptized through immersion on Friday.

Sidenote: Can I just tell you all how much I love this picture? You can't fake joy like that. The guy behind Michael is our pastor, Matt, who we've gotten to know much better over the past year. He's baptized both of us and it's pretty awesome to have a church leader that is also a genuine friend to share in moments like these.

Also this weekend: ice cream at Sylas and Maddys with some girlfriends, laughing so hard my sides hurt, wine, friends who tell me what I need to hear and not just what I want to hear, brunch at First Watch, lots of personal growth with a family situation, a great sermon from Matt on what it means to be a good friend (Also, I need to see Super 8 again). I really love my life and my heart feels light. I have to give huge praise to God for all of these blessings. I have felt God move in BIG ways this weekend and can't wait to see what happens next. Greater things are yet to come!