My sister and brother in law moved to Lawrence on Wednesday!
Not gonna lie....it's been...AWESOME.
The past few days have been a little crazy, with helping them unload their truck, unpacking, a holiday Christmas dinner with Michael's labmates, a cookie exchange I hosted for about 15 ladies, and introducing Lyndsay and Michael to EastLake. I'm sure they are feeling like they've been hit by a fire hose, but it will slow down...eventually.
This week we've got a winter storm warning to watch tomorrow night, Christmas Eve Eve (that's Friday night) service with EastLake, and assisting Michael on Christmas Eve during his all day Cinnamon Roll marathon. He's making my mom's recipe to give out to our friends. I guess I'll mainly be helping by taste testing. I do what I can. Then we'll wrap them, drop them off, and go look at lights...a holiday tradition that began with my immediate family, resurrected. Pretty cool.
On Christmas Day, we'll be heading to the airport to pick up my dad and stepmom. They're staying for a couple of days and we're all suuuuuper excited. Vicky has never been to Kansas so we'll go to the plaza, probably the day after Christmas, to do some shopping. Dec. 26th also happens to be my mom's birthday, so I'm really glad my dad, sister, and I will all be together.
Lyndsay and I finalized our Christmas Day dinner menu tonight while watching Harry Potter. We're having:
appetizer: my aunt's recipe for baked brie with a walnut & brown sugar topping, served with crackers and pita chips
dinner: standing rib roast, cheesy potatoes, yeast rolls, broccoli & cheese casserole (a new recipe Lyndsay is trying), winter salad with cranberries, apples, pears, almonds, and a homemade lemon poppyseed dressing (my contribution)
dessert: chocolate chip pie w/homemade whipped cream
Drooling yet? ;)
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
How toddlers convinced my husband church doesn't suck
This is Michael's story. You've probably heard mine before (and if you haven't, you can read it if you go back to August 2010 in this blog.) Today's talk at EastLake was about sharing your story, and I asked him if he would take that step and share his, since he never has before, and he agreed if I would type it. So here we go.
"Hey, remember that time you didn't want to talk to anyone at EastLake?" I laughed as we got into our car this afternoon after church. Michael smiled but didn't say anything. But he remembers. It wasn't that long ago. The reason why I remember so well is because it was the night I was baptized in October 2010. It was an important night for me, and SOMEONE from my family was going to be there to see me do it because it meant so much to me. Since he'd returned from Maryland, he hadn't been all that interested in attending EastLake with me-I usually went alone. But all of my family lives in NC, so I pleaded for him to be there that night.
This is seared into my mind-we walked into Free Methodist, and I was so excited because it was my first worship night, and first real opportunity to introduce him to a lot of my friends. I started going to EastLake over the summer, but Michael had been interning in Maryland, so he'd missed a lot. One of my friends was at the door, and she knew it must have been him because he was with me, so she warmly greeted him by name. He barely spoke to her. I remember thinking, "who are you and what have you done with my husband?" but didn't say anything because I wanted to keep that night special. It WAS a great night, but I couldn't shake that feeling that something was going on with him, because he was completely shut down from even trying to engage with anyone or anything that was happening on stage. He was there physically, but that was it.
"I think part of it had to do with shyness?" Michael says, when I bring that night up. "Bull. I've known you long enough to know that you are NOT shy. Remember how we met? You jumped right in front of me and said, 'Hi, I don't know you!' " We both laugh.
"I guess...I was stressed out. And angry. I didn't feel like I "needed" a church to be a time suck, I had enough to deal with at school," he said.
Enough=an advisor who made Michael feel like nothing he ever did was good enough, like he was stupid, lazy, and incompetent. There's only so many times you can hear that before you just shut down. I'm not going to go into a rant about him, but let me just say this: a good advisor for graduate students can be the difference between whether they love their degree or hate it, or whether they even finish it. I know people who didn't even get a change to complete their degree because of their advisor. Part of the process of graduate school is being extremely busy, yes, but your advisor is someone who mentors you, helps you along the way, and lets you know that you're doing fine despite the feeling like you're in over your head. They're someone who will toss a life vest to you, not let you sink.
Michael was sinking. His coping mechanism for the stress at school was to get angry, because if you get angry enough, you start to close off the feelings that are hurt and just focus on that anger. So between that and dealing with a wife who had just lost her mom and was kind of a wreck, you can see why he didn't want to add another avenue that would potentially ask tough questions and ask for personal growth. That's why he didn't want to let any of my church friends into his life.
God uses so many different ways to reach people, and I love how he got hold of Michael. He used our friends' kids. Because Michael and I share one car, we had to do a juggling act with church. I was volunteering, he wasn't, so it was a lot of back and forth (when I could get him to go). One day he said, "this is dumb. I should just volunteer somewhere so we can be here at the same time." Works for me! He chose to volunteer in kids, because he's always liked them (and he's really a big kid at heart).
Volunteering in the kids wing started as stress relief. It was one hour each week where Michael could get on the floor and play with toddlers and not think of the crap going on with school. He didn't even think of it as helping the church-it was just an outlet to be silly and laugh. He learned Veggie Tales songs, which kid preferred cheerios over animal crackers, and how to change a cloth diaper. More than that, he began to let go of the anger.
But those kids...he loves them so much! It went from an hour of fun to the highlight of his week, to where he looked forward to Sundays because that meant he'd get to see Bella, or Hudson, or Emmett, or Adelayde, or any of the dozens of other babies who have captured his heart. And in volunteering, he started talking to other EastLakers and found out, just like I did, how awesome and refreshingly normal these people are. And that it was okay to need a church family and need God. One day in December of 2010 he slyly showed me his connection card...he checked off the box that he was interested in attending membership class.
In January, he switched advisors. His new advisor listens to Michael and doesn't make him feel like he'll never measure up. In fact, he recently told Michael that the paper he's working on now is stronger than any of the theses that have currently been defended by the department's graduating students (immature moment: suck on that, old advisor!)
Michael's back to the happy, loveable guy I first met in 2004. In fact, I bet many of you who know him are even questioning that he could ever be the way I described earlier in this blog. But he was, and this past year has been an amazing testament to the way God moves in peoples' lives. He led a barbecue restaurant growth group in the spring and filled it by going up to guys after sermons and saying, "Hi! Do you like food? Like barbecue? You should join my group!" He decided to get baptized, spur of the moment, in July at South Park. He still volunteers in kids, still loves it, and still thinks it's not that big of a deal-he's just happy to have time to play. For someone who values science and all things analytical, it amazes me how much he retains from Matt's talks and how his faith has grown.
He won't ever ramble on like I do, but Michael gets it. And I'm so glad I get to share life with him and be a part of the family we've made at EastLake-together.
"Hey, remember that time you didn't want to talk to anyone at EastLake?" I laughed as we got into our car this afternoon after church. Michael smiled but didn't say anything. But he remembers. It wasn't that long ago. The reason why I remember so well is because it was the night I was baptized in October 2010. It was an important night for me, and SOMEONE from my family was going to be there to see me do it because it meant so much to me. Since he'd returned from Maryland, he hadn't been all that interested in attending EastLake with me-I usually went alone. But all of my family lives in NC, so I pleaded for him to be there that night.
This is seared into my mind-we walked into Free Methodist, and I was so excited because it was my first worship night, and first real opportunity to introduce him to a lot of my friends. I started going to EastLake over the summer, but Michael had been interning in Maryland, so he'd missed a lot. One of my friends was at the door, and she knew it must have been him because he was with me, so she warmly greeted him by name. He barely spoke to her. I remember thinking, "who are you and what have you done with my husband?" but didn't say anything because I wanted to keep that night special. It WAS a great night, but I couldn't shake that feeling that something was going on with him, because he was completely shut down from even trying to engage with anyone or anything that was happening on stage. He was there physically, but that was it.
"I think part of it had to do with shyness?" Michael says, when I bring that night up. "Bull. I've known you long enough to know that you are NOT shy. Remember how we met? You jumped right in front of me and said, 'Hi, I don't know you!' " We both laugh.
"I guess...I was stressed out. And angry. I didn't feel like I "needed" a church to be a time suck, I had enough to deal with at school," he said.
Enough=an advisor who made Michael feel like nothing he ever did was good enough, like he was stupid, lazy, and incompetent. There's only so many times you can hear that before you just shut down. I'm not going to go into a rant about him, but let me just say this: a good advisor for graduate students can be the difference between whether they love their degree or hate it, or whether they even finish it. I know people who didn't even get a change to complete their degree because of their advisor. Part of the process of graduate school is being extremely busy, yes, but your advisor is someone who mentors you, helps you along the way, and lets you know that you're doing fine despite the feeling like you're in over your head. They're someone who will toss a life vest to you, not let you sink.
Michael was sinking. His coping mechanism for the stress at school was to get angry, because if you get angry enough, you start to close off the feelings that are hurt and just focus on that anger. So between that and dealing with a wife who had just lost her mom and was kind of a wreck, you can see why he didn't want to add another avenue that would potentially ask tough questions and ask for personal growth. That's why he didn't want to let any of my church friends into his life.
God uses so many different ways to reach people, and I love how he got hold of Michael. He used our friends' kids. Because Michael and I share one car, we had to do a juggling act with church. I was volunteering, he wasn't, so it was a lot of back and forth (when I could get him to go). One day he said, "this is dumb. I should just volunteer somewhere so we can be here at the same time." Works for me! He chose to volunteer in kids, because he's always liked them (and he's really a big kid at heart).
Volunteering in the kids wing started as stress relief. It was one hour each week where Michael could get on the floor and play with toddlers and not think of the crap going on with school. He didn't even think of it as helping the church-it was just an outlet to be silly and laugh. He learned Veggie Tales songs, which kid preferred cheerios over animal crackers, and how to change a cloth diaper. More than that, he began to let go of the anger.
But those kids...he loves them so much! It went from an hour of fun to the highlight of his week, to where he looked forward to Sundays because that meant he'd get to see Bella, or Hudson, or Emmett, or Adelayde, or any of the dozens of other babies who have captured his heart. And in volunteering, he started talking to other EastLakers and found out, just like I did, how awesome and refreshingly normal these people are. And that it was okay to need a church family and need God. One day in December of 2010 he slyly showed me his connection card...he checked off the box that he was interested in attending membership class.
In January, he switched advisors. His new advisor listens to Michael and doesn't make him feel like he'll never measure up. In fact, he recently told Michael that the paper he's working on now is stronger than any of the theses that have currently been defended by the department's graduating students (immature moment: suck on that, old advisor!)
Michael's back to the happy, loveable guy I first met in 2004. In fact, I bet many of you who know him are even questioning that he could ever be the way I described earlier in this blog. But he was, and this past year has been an amazing testament to the way God moves in peoples' lives. He led a barbecue restaurant growth group in the spring and filled it by going up to guys after sermons and saying, "Hi! Do you like food? Like barbecue? You should join my group!" He decided to get baptized, spur of the moment, in July at South Park. He still volunteers in kids, still loves it, and still thinks it's not that big of a deal-he's just happy to have time to play. For someone who values science and all things analytical, it amazes me how much he retains from Matt's talks and how his faith has grown.
He won't ever ramble on like I do, but Michael gets it. And I'm so glad I get to share life with him and be a part of the family we've made at EastLake-together.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Held
There are two opinions about Christian radio: people who love it, and people who roll their eyes. The second category is not exclusive to non-Christians. You just have to be in a certain kind of mood to listen to Christian radio. My friend Anna is a rare exception that listens to it 24/7, but if you know Anna, that probably doesn't surprise you (and I mean that in a good way, Anna!) Positive and encouraging describe her perfectly and it's fitting that she listens to a station whose motto is the same.
Anyway. Most of the time I fit into the second category. I do listen to it on Sunday mornings before I go in to lead prayer meetings, because it helps me connect with God. I have about 15 minutes in the car and it's good background music while I'm having some private prayer time (I've stopped doing my makeup in the car, just fyi for those who park next to me to try to catch me).
Today was a Christian radio day, for reasons I won't really get into here because it would be gossiping, and I'm not going to do that. When my heart is hurting, I turn to the one who will comfort me, and sometimes that message gets through to me in songs. So I was on the way to Target to pick up a couple of random things, and a song comes on the radio that I'd never heard before. As I listened to the lyrics, I could feel my eyes prickle. You can probably guess what ended up happening. Yep...I definitely cried in the Target parking lot listening to this song. I had to park further away so I could be alone and not be the 'weirdo in the parking lot who was crying'. Well I guess I'm outing myself by typing this, but I'm okay with that.
Here's the thing: when I first began have an actual relationship with God, something I struggled with very much was the 'why do bad things happen to good people' question. But believing in Jesus doesn't mean your path from here on out is paved in gold and all your struggles are over. It's a when, not an if, bad things will happen, and none of us can hide from that. Unfortunately. And if you're lucky enough that you've had a pretty blessed life, thank God for that every single day. Something I've had the fortune (yes, fortune) to really learn and understand over the past year is that God never wastes a hurt. Learning how to exist and be me without my mom was really awful at first. Sometimes it still is. But those times are when God is closest, holding me and comforting me. He weeps when we weep. And He's doing that to you, too, if you're in a dark spot.
The song that made me think of all this is called "Held" by Natalie Grant. The lyrics are pretty blunt about how cruel life can be. Just in my little corner of life in Lawrence, KS, I know so many good people who are going through tough times. A friend of mine is in the process of finding out if her precious 7 month old son will ever speak due to vocal cord abnormalities. Another friend lost everything she owned in a fire last winter and is now learning how to be a single mom. A church family lost their 5 year old daughter to cancer this spring. Another friend recently suffered a miscarriage. If anyone has a right to question why bad things happen, it's them. But even in darkness, these women all know that God is right there beside them, and He's got plans for their healing that will take them places they couldn't even imagine in the thick of their pain.
Sometimes people will say things like "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my mom at a young age" to me, and the thing they don't say but are thinking is, "I couldn't do it, and I'm so sorry you have to." Until it happened to me I'm sure I felt the same way. But this song does a pretty good job of explaining how I healed. When something awful happens, and you're the one left to pick up the pieces, you can either let bitterness grow in your heart until you no longer feel anything, or you can believe that when everything else is falling apart, God is still fulfilling his promise of bringing peace to the weary, holding you up when you're unable to stand. That's what it means to be held.
Anyway. Most of the time I fit into the second category. I do listen to it on Sunday mornings before I go in to lead prayer meetings, because it helps me connect with God. I have about 15 minutes in the car and it's good background music while I'm having some private prayer time (I've stopped doing my makeup in the car, just fyi for those who park next to me to try to catch me).
Today was a Christian radio day, for reasons I won't really get into here because it would be gossiping, and I'm not going to do that. When my heart is hurting, I turn to the one who will comfort me, and sometimes that message gets through to me in songs. So I was on the way to Target to pick up a couple of random things, and a song comes on the radio that I'd never heard before. As I listened to the lyrics, I could feel my eyes prickle. You can probably guess what ended up happening. Yep...I definitely cried in the Target parking lot listening to this song. I had to park further away so I could be alone and not be the 'weirdo in the parking lot who was crying'. Well I guess I'm outing myself by typing this, but I'm okay with that.
Here's the thing: when I first began have an actual relationship with God, something I struggled with very much was the 'why do bad things happen to good people' question. But believing in Jesus doesn't mean your path from here on out is paved in gold and all your struggles are over. It's a when, not an if, bad things will happen, and none of us can hide from that. Unfortunately. And if you're lucky enough that you've had a pretty blessed life, thank God for that every single day. Something I've had the fortune (yes, fortune) to really learn and understand over the past year is that God never wastes a hurt. Learning how to exist and be me without my mom was really awful at first. Sometimes it still is. But those times are when God is closest, holding me and comforting me. He weeps when we weep. And He's doing that to you, too, if you're in a dark spot.
The song that made me think of all this is called "Held" by Natalie Grant. The lyrics are pretty blunt about how cruel life can be. Just in my little corner of life in Lawrence, KS, I know so many good people who are going through tough times. A friend of mine is in the process of finding out if her precious 7 month old son will ever speak due to vocal cord abnormalities. Another friend lost everything she owned in a fire last winter and is now learning how to be a single mom. A church family lost their 5 year old daughter to cancer this spring. Another friend recently suffered a miscarriage. If anyone has a right to question why bad things happen, it's them. But even in darkness, these women all know that God is right there beside them, and He's got plans for their healing that will take them places they couldn't even imagine in the thick of their pain.
Sometimes people will say things like "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my mom at a young age" to me, and the thing they don't say but are thinking is, "I couldn't do it, and I'm so sorry you have to." Until it happened to me I'm sure I felt the same way. But this song does a pretty good job of explaining how I healed. When something awful happens, and you're the one left to pick up the pieces, you can either let bitterness grow in your heart until you no longer feel anything, or you can believe that when everything else is falling apart, God is still fulfilling his promise of bringing peace to the weary, holding you up when you're unable to stand. That's what it means to be held.
Monday, August 1, 2011
The time my husband got baptized without telling me beforehand...
So, this happened on Friday night. EastLake had its quarterly worship night, a time where we have communion, play awesome songs, people get baptized. It's a wonderful night of fellowship and shakes things up from the normal Sunday routine, and it's always been a night full of hope and spirit as we celebrate what God has done in our lives and continues to do through our church. This past Friday we switched things up and had our worship night at South Park on Mass St. It was supposed to be our traditional set up, with a stage, screens with lyrics, lights, electric guitars, the works. Rain put a kink in that plan, but I love that everyone just went with the flow and adapted to plan B. That was an acoustic set with the band up on the gazebo, and we all moved our chairs, blankets, and food over to get a better view.
It. was. awesome. It felt like an intimate, unplugged jam session. I feel like everyone who was there felt like it was supposed to be like this-I didn't hear anyone complaining about the abrupt change in plans. The rain never got past a sprinkling until much later at night, and it ended up giving us some relief from the heat. So about halfway through the set, my friend Tisha and I got up to help prepare for the baptism part of the program. I was standing near the changing tent in case anyone decided on the spur of the moment to get baptized-we have extra tshirts, shorts, and towels just in case. I just didn't think it would be my own husband who walked toward me once the people who'd scheduled their baptisms in advance were done!! I'm pretty sure I stood there with my jaw on the ground as he told me he was going up to the gazebo. My buddy Tiff had to tell me to move closer to the center so I could see him better. Honestly, it was such a beautiful moment that I really can't do it justice to try to describe it, but be assured I was a mess. I had hoped at some point Michael would take that step, but every time we talked about it, he didn't want to do it. It had to be right for him, not for me. And Friday was that night. Even if I didn't know it, he did.
*I feel like I owe a little bit of an explanation for any of Michael's family members who may read this. Yes, Michael was baptized when he was a baby. However, as meaningful as it was, it wasn't a conscious decision on his part. We believe that baptism isn't what saves you, but rather, it's a public symbol of an inner commitment to a belief in Jesus. Also, every baptism in the Bible was done by immersion, and even Jesus himself "got out of the water", so we align ourselves with our church in the belief that baptism should be done by immersion and after being of age to consciously decide to follow Christ. So that's why Michael decided to get baptized through immersion on Friday.
Sidenote: Can I just tell you all how much I love this picture? You can't fake joy like that. The guy behind Michael is our pastor, Matt, who we've gotten to know much better over the past year. He's baptized both of us and it's pretty awesome to have a church leader that is also a genuine friend to share in moments like these.
Also this weekend: ice cream at Sylas and Maddys with some girlfriends, laughing so hard my sides hurt, wine, friends who tell me what I need to hear and not just what I want to hear, brunch at First Watch, lots of personal growth with a family situation, a great sermon from Matt on what it means to be a good friend (Also, I need to see Super 8 again). I really love my life and my heart feels light. I have to give huge praise to God for all of these blessings. I have felt God move in BIG ways this weekend and can't wait to see what happens next. Greater things are yet to come!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Awesomesauce this Friday!
Worship Night VI: July 29th - 7pm B.Y.O. Picnic - 830pm Music - South Park 12th & Mass
And now for something different. Bring your own picnic dinner with the family. Bring your blankets and/or chairs and hang out with EastLakers on the lawn of South Park at 7pm. Then at 830 we'll kick off the Music. Baptisms. Communion. It's a party for God we're throwing DOWNTOWN at South Park near 12th and Mass St. Don't miss it!
Want more info about Eastlake Church? Check out the website! http://www.eastlakelawrence.com/
And now for something different. Bring your own picnic dinner with the family. Bring your blankets and/or chairs and hang out with EastLakers on the lawn of South Park at 7pm. Then at 830 we'll kick off the Music. Baptisms. Communion. It's a party for God we're throwing DOWNTOWN at South Park near 12th and Mass St. Don't miss it!
Want more info about Eastlake Church? Check out the website! http://www.eastlakelawrence.com/
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Jesus the poached egg
"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic—on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg—or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to." CS Lewis, Mere Christianity
I really like this quote by C.S. Lewis. I think if I had been exposed to this in my youth it may have had a deep impact on the way I viewed Jesus. I didn't become a Christian until college, and prior to that religion just was a non-factor in my life. I do remember this argument of Jesus as a great teacher but not the Son of God being brought up a few times. I think it's something people say when they're just not comfortable believing in Jesus but don't want to fully admit it out loud.
But when you really study the Gospels and all of the things Jesus said-it's just too hard to make that claim and get away with it. Either Jesus was who he said he was, or he was freakin' crazy, or a liar. Jesus drew a line in the sand about who He was, He never left his purpose of being on Earth open to interpretation. EastLake did a talk about this very topic on Easter that was fantastic, non-patronizing, and then went one step further and gave examples of how God's love continues to work in us and heal people today. Listen to it here if you're interested.
I really like this quote by C.S. Lewis. I think if I had been exposed to this in my youth it may have had a deep impact on the way I viewed Jesus. I didn't become a Christian until college, and prior to that religion just was a non-factor in my life. I do remember this argument of Jesus as a great teacher but not the Son of God being brought up a few times. I think it's something people say when they're just not comfortable believing in Jesus but don't want to fully admit it out loud.
But when you really study the Gospels and all of the things Jesus said-it's just too hard to make that claim and get away with it. Either Jesus was who he said he was, or he was freakin' crazy, or a liar. Jesus drew a line in the sand about who He was, He never left his purpose of being on Earth open to interpretation. EastLake did a talk about this very topic on Easter that was fantastic, non-patronizing, and then went one step further and gave examples of how God's love continues to work in us and heal people today. Listen to it here if you're interested.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Fourth of July weekend recap
There are moments in life that really just take my breath away. This weekend, collectively, was one of them. Nothing huge happened, just lots of little moments of joy and happiness. It was a wonderful sample for me of how amazing it's going to be in Heaven. Wait, what? Let me explain.
Sunday's sermon was about the sacredness of our bodies, but in the middle of that the guest pastor was talking about what it would be like when our bodies are resurrected after Christ comes back. He said it would be like the perfect version of us, before sin entered the world. God originally intended for us to live forever with Him, and not get old and have the illnesses that are a part of the world now. So his idea was that we'd still be us, we'd still be recognizable, just the way God originally intended us to be...a perfect version of ourselves. Hope that means I won't have to wear glasses, haha! But anyway, while talking about this, he held up a sample spoon from Baskin Robbins and asked if we knew what it was. Duh, anyone over the age of 3 knows. The point of the sample spoon is to get a little taste. It's not going to satisfy you, because the idea is that you'll purchase the one that you liked the best. But it's enough for you to know that more is coming. He says everything on Earth that brings us joy, things that are right, when we act and do works on God's behalf...all of those things are just a sample of what God's got in store for us once we're with him forever. It won't be some cute imagery we've all seen on cartoons where we're sitting on clouds all days strumming a harp. With all the beauty that's within nature, and the good that's in people when we're kind and act in love showing us this is just a small taste...man, it's going to be epic.
But anyway, all that is not to say that I'm wishing away my life...far from it. Just that I know as good as life can be, it's not the end. This weekend we got to dogsit Penny's brother, Patrick, and went out to a latin american restaurant with his owners on Friday. They are fun and kind of bohemian and just cool overall. We had a blast watching Penny and Pat run in the backyard and chase each other and play with their stuffed toys. Saturday my beloved mowed the lawn in 90+ heat, bless his heart, and we had a nice, relaxing afternoon that consisted of a nap, freshly squeezed lemonade, video games, and snuggles with the animals. After church on Sunday, Michael indulged my crazy and got me a tumbler from McAlister's, with which I'll be able to snag a sweet tea for 99 cents whenever I bring it in. We made homemade sloppy joes (SO good! Why did it take us so long to do that?! Thanks Tish for the inspiration) and hung out 'til after midnight with a group of people, just talking, laughing, playing with sparklers. Today Michael woke me up with a bluebery muffin and fruit salad in bed, with an iced vanilla coffee to go along with it. I had to work during the day, but he kept me company and we had the Firefly marathon on tv in the background. Tonight some cherished friends came over for a traditional hamburger Fourth of July cook out, and we set off fireworks in the street and hung out on the drive way. The night ended with chocolate cake, never a bad thing. All in all a pretty fantastic weekend, and lots of little glimpses of joy, for which I lift my head and say Thanks to the one that created all of this.
Sunday's sermon was about the sacredness of our bodies, but in the middle of that the guest pastor was talking about what it would be like when our bodies are resurrected after Christ comes back. He said it would be like the perfect version of us, before sin entered the world. God originally intended for us to live forever with Him, and not get old and have the illnesses that are a part of the world now. So his idea was that we'd still be us, we'd still be recognizable, just the way God originally intended us to be...a perfect version of ourselves. Hope that means I won't have to wear glasses, haha! But anyway, while talking about this, he held up a sample spoon from Baskin Robbins and asked if we knew what it was. Duh, anyone over the age of 3 knows. The point of the sample spoon is to get a little taste. It's not going to satisfy you, because the idea is that you'll purchase the one that you liked the best. But it's enough for you to know that more is coming. He says everything on Earth that brings us joy, things that are right, when we act and do works on God's behalf...all of those things are just a sample of what God's got in store for us once we're with him forever. It won't be some cute imagery we've all seen on cartoons where we're sitting on clouds all days strumming a harp. With all the beauty that's within nature, and the good that's in people when we're kind and act in love showing us this is just a small taste...man, it's going to be epic.
But anyway, all that is not to say that I'm wishing away my life...far from it. Just that I know as good as life can be, it's not the end. This weekend we got to dogsit Penny's brother, Patrick, and went out to a latin american restaurant with his owners on Friday. They are fun and kind of bohemian and just cool overall. We had a blast watching Penny and Pat run in the backyard and chase each other and play with their stuffed toys. Saturday my beloved mowed the lawn in 90+ heat, bless his heart, and we had a nice, relaxing afternoon that consisted of a nap, freshly squeezed lemonade, video games, and snuggles with the animals. After church on Sunday, Michael indulged my crazy and got me a tumbler from McAlister's, with which I'll be able to snag a sweet tea for 99 cents whenever I bring it in. We made homemade sloppy joes (SO good! Why did it take us so long to do that?! Thanks Tish for the inspiration) and hung out 'til after midnight with a group of people, just talking, laughing, playing with sparklers. Today Michael woke me up with a bluebery muffin and fruit salad in bed, with an iced vanilla coffee to go along with it. I had to work during the day, but he kept me company and we had the Firefly marathon on tv in the background. Tonight some cherished friends came over for a traditional hamburger Fourth of July cook out, and we set off fireworks in the street and hung out on the drive way. The night ended with chocolate cake, never a bad thing. All in all a pretty fantastic weekend, and lots of little glimpses of joy, for which I lift my head and say Thanks to the one that created all of this.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Dear Father
Stop sending me pictures of your feet lounging on a chair, especially when said chair is planted in front of the Caribbean ocean. Dad is on vacation in Jamaica this week and I could not be more jealous. That's one thing that super sucks about living smack in the middle of the country...no easy access to an ocean. When I was a little girl, we went on vacation every single year to Myrtle Beach, SC. My mama adored the beach and raised her girls to feel the same way. All it takes is one whiff of that pungent saltyness in the air and it's like I can feel the stress of the real world melt away. Add the sound of the ocean waves crashing into the sand, the warm grittiness of sand between my toes, and crazy wind blown hair and there's really no where else I'd rather be. Let's just say, when I get to heaven, I hope my room in God's house comes with an ocean view.
See? Just evil. I better be getting a shell necklace or something for putting up with this brand of torture, pops. Just sayin'...
See? Just evil. I better be getting a shell necklace or something for putting up with this brand of torture, pops. Just sayin'...
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Group summer season is here!
Love June...it means a new season of growth groups! This will be my first time leading a study group, and so far so good. We are studying a book called Intimate Issues and we had a great time telling stories on Tuesday about how we met our husbands. The time flew by! My group has 7 ladies besides myself and I am really looking forward to getting to know them all better. Sex is one of those topics that some of us clam up about because we're not "supposed" to talk about it. I love that ECC takes a stance that sex is healthy and enjoyable, and that we can have an open, safe environment to talk about it without losing our sense of humor. I am assigning them homework each week and I really can't wait to hear how their relationships with their husbands change over the next 8 weeks.
Let's see, what else is new this week... My good buddy Sue picked me up on my lunch break for a quick trek to DeSoto so we could check out Steve's Meat Market, a local butcher shop. I am amazed that a quality shop like this is only 20 min away! We split their June grilling special, and our freezer is absolutely STUFFED with some delicious looking meats! Michael and I figured out that the amount of food should last us until mid-late July if we are cooking 4 nights/week, AND that includes leftovers. Suh-weet. This will definitely be a money saving venture, and to get better quality with local meat, for less $$...can't ask for anything better! We received boneless chicken breasts, tbone steaks, ground chuck, pork chops, italian sausage, brats, chicken leg quarters, and a 5 lb pork roast to make pulled pork. Maybe we'll have to have a grilling party. :)
Michael is out at his second group. He is leading not one, but two groups this time. They are both Dungeons & Dragons groups. How cool is that, D&D church groups? I love it. He is having a ball and meeting lots of awesome new people, can't beat that.
Oh! We did get a new rug today. I'll let Penny show you how much she enjoys it. I don't know what I was thinking, getting a brown rug a couple of years ago when we have white animals, but I hit my limit a few weeks ago with the vacuuming every single day, and I kid you not, less than an hour later it would look like I hadn't. I'll still vacuum regularly, don't get me wrong, but I hope this new rug helps with my ocd-ness when it comes to animal hair in the house. I really try hard for my friends with allergies and for my friends who don't particularly like animals to keep the floors and furniture clean, but it's an hourly chore sometimes. Just know that there's nothing that can save you if you let Penny lay on your lap while wearing black. :-)
Let's see, what else is new this week... My good buddy Sue picked me up on my lunch break for a quick trek to DeSoto so we could check out Steve's Meat Market, a local butcher shop. I am amazed that a quality shop like this is only 20 min away! We split their June grilling special, and our freezer is absolutely STUFFED with some delicious looking meats! Michael and I figured out that the amount of food should last us until mid-late July if we are cooking 4 nights/week, AND that includes leftovers. Suh-weet. This will definitely be a money saving venture, and to get better quality with local meat, for less $$...can't ask for anything better! We received boneless chicken breasts, tbone steaks, ground chuck, pork chops, italian sausage, brats, chicken leg quarters, and a 5 lb pork roast to make pulled pork. Maybe we'll have to have a grilling party. :)
Michael is out at his second group. He is leading not one, but two groups this time. They are both Dungeons & Dragons groups. How cool is that, D&D church groups? I love it. He is having a ball and meeting lots of awesome new people, can't beat that.
Oh! We did get a new rug today. I'll let Penny show you how much she enjoys it. I don't know what I was thinking, getting a brown rug a couple of years ago when we have white animals, but I hit my limit a few weeks ago with the vacuuming every single day, and I kid you not, less than an hour later it would look like I hadn't. I'll still vacuum regularly, don't get me wrong, but I hope this new rug helps with my ocd-ness when it comes to animal hair in the house. I really try hard for my friends with allergies and for my friends who don't particularly like animals to keep the floors and furniture clean, but it's an hourly chore sometimes. Just know that there's nothing that can save you if you let Penny lay on your lap while wearing black. :-)
Monday, June 6, 2011
May has come and gone, and I have not blogged about it. Sorry (dad-who left me a hilarious voice mail a la Lumberg from Office Space. Yeah, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and blog. That would be greeeeeat. Thanks!) about that! Sometimes it's tough to sit down and make the effort, but I promise to try harder. Here's a wrap up of May:
-My sister and brother in law came to visit over Mother's Day weekend. We went shopping on the plaza, had a wonderful steak dinner, they experienced their first EastLake worship night, lots of laughter, wandering around on Mass St, saw Water for Elephants, hung out at the house and visited. It was a really good trip and I hope their take away was that Kansas does not suck and would be a cool place to live. ;)
-Saw Bridesmaids with a fun group of women. Could have done without a couple of scenes but overall I really enjoyed it. Haven't laughed that hard at a movie in a while. Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig, I bow down to them both.
-Went to my first women leader's meeting at EastLake. Got to meet the famous Heather, an original member who picked up her life in Seattle and moved to Kansas to start EastLake. Hard to imagine me doing something like that, but so incredibly grateful that she and the other original members did. Life would be drastically different if ECC were not in Lawrence! The meeting was great, gave me a push to set a boundary that had been nagging me for a while. Big take away is that it is okay to say no to good things so that I can say yes to great things, and not to stretch myself so thin that I can't give quality time to the people I want to.
-My dad came to visit over Memorial Day weekend. So great to have him here. We had a backyard bbq, complete with s'mores, took him to a super tasty sushi restaurant, went to see Thor, lots of talking and hanging out. 'twas good. :)
So those are the big things. June looks to be a busy one as well. Tomorrow Michael has his oral qualifying exam, which is the next step on the road to getting his PhD. Good vibes/prayers/karma are all appreciated! He is more than prepared, and I am positive he will do great. :)
-My sister and brother in law came to visit over Mother's Day weekend. We went shopping on the plaza, had a wonderful steak dinner, they experienced their first EastLake worship night, lots of laughter, wandering around on Mass St, saw Water for Elephants, hung out at the house and visited. It was a really good trip and I hope their take away was that Kansas does not suck and would be a cool place to live. ;)
-Saw Bridesmaids with a fun group of women. Could have done without a couple of scenes but overall I really enjoyed it. Haven't laughed that hard at a movie in a while. Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig, I bow down to them both.
-Went to my first women leader's meeting at EastLake. Got to meet the famous Heather, an original member who picked up her life in Seattle and moved to Kansas to start EastLake. Hard to imagine me doing something like that, but so incredibly grateful that she and the other original members did. Life would be drastically different if ECC were not in Lawrence! The meeting was great, gave me a push to set a boundary that had been nagging me for a while. Big take away is that it is okay to say no to good things so that I can say yes to great things, and not to stretch myself so thin that I can't give quality time to the people I want to.
-My dad came to visit over Memorial Day weekend. So great to have him here. We had a backyard bbq, complete with s'mores, took him to a super tasty sushi restaurant, went to see Thor, lots of talking and hanging out. 'twas good. :)
So those are the big things. June looks to be a busy one as well. Tomorrow Michael has his oral qualifying exam, which is the next step on the road to getting his PhD. Good vibes/prayers/karma are all appreciated! He is more than prepared, and I am positive he will do great. :)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Furniture Rearrangement
My turn to post! This morning I spent some time rearranging the furniture in the masterbed and the mancave!
So I've recently sold my gaming PC and my big glass and metal desk. Left a lot of room. So I moved a couple small bookshelves and the coffee table into the room and got this:
We also rearranged the master bed, with these results:
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Holy cow, Osama Bin Laden dead
Today is May 1st. 8 years ago, President Bush made a "mission accomplished" speech.
Tonight, we heard news that Osama Bin Laden was killed, and we have the dna (and BODY) to prove it's actually him. Holy moly.
Lots of emotions running through me tonight. Feeling a little weird cheering about someone's death, but then I think of all the people who died on 9/11, how Osama claimed he wouldn't quit until we were ALL dead, that they (Al Queda) would keep doing their terrorist attacks...and suddenly I don't feel so bad. I am not the moral police, but I feel very confident that God is just and is judging him accordingly tonight.
I feel very happy for the 9/11 survivors, for those who were left without their loved ones, for those who lost a loved one overseas as they served in our military to keep us safe and defend us. For them, I pray that tonight is a historic moment and a new step in their healing process. God bless our military troops and the joy they must be feeling tonight.
Tonight, we heard news that Osama Bin Laden was killed, and we have the dna (and BODY) to prove it's actually him. Holy moly.
Lots of emotions running through me tonight. Feeling a little weird cheering about someone's death, but then I think of all the people who died on 9/11, how Osama claimed he wouldn't quit until we were ALL dead, that they (Al Queda) would keep doing their terrorist attacks...and suddenly I don't feel so bad. I am not the moral police, but I feel very confident that God is just and is judging him accordingly tonight.
I feel very happy for the 9/11 survivors, for those who were left without their loved ones, for those who lost a loved one overseas as they served in our military to keep us safe and defend us. For them, I pray that tonight is a historic moment and a new step in their healing process. God bless our military troops and the joy they must be feeling tonight.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Ponderings on Lent
Lent will be over on Easter Sunday. This is the first year of my entire life that I have actually stuck with abstaining from something throughout the duration of Lent. I decided I wanted to do it this year, because I wanted to have a tiny glimpse of what Jesus went through when he was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and was tempted by Satan. Tiny, tiny glimpse, I know.
I thought I would have cheated by now, to be honest. Why? Because I'm weak. You might laugh when I tell you that I gave up french fries. For some of you, it would be easy peasy to not have those. But not for me. I luuuuuuuv me some french fries. It's been hard, because it's a comfort food for me when I'm stressed. Pretty much any time we've eaten out, my eyes get a little glazed over before I order something else. Some restaurants I've had to not go to, because I know I wouldn't have the strength to not get the fries (5 Guys, Burger Stand). Assuming I don't have a total melt down over the next 3 days, I'll make my goal and for the first time, know what it's like to give something up and stick with it.
It means more to me this year. In previous years, when I participated in Lent, it was because I wanted to see if I could do it. And then, when the first temptation came around, I've give in, shrug my shoulders, and say oh well, maybe next year. But this year I wanted to reflect on what God gave up-his only son - because he loved us SO much that he wanted us to live forever with Him in his kingdom, and this was the only way we could all be forgiven for our sins. I gave up french fries. It doesn't even scratch the surface of what God went through, but that's okay, because I'm doing this to strengthen my understanding of how great our God is and how big His love is for us because he substituted the death of his son for us.
Over the past few weeks, I've learned a lot about my relationship with God and how it's okay to admit I need His strength to get me through the things that tempt me most...like food cravings for things that aren't beneficial for me, that put that craving ahead of my desire to be obedient to Him. When I first began reading Made to Crave, the author says that we can pick whatever healthy eating plan works for us. For her, it was cutting out all carbs and sugar because she wasn't strong enough to have them in moderation at the beginning of her journey. I read that part a month ago and felt like, well, good for her. I could never do that. I just like my bread WAY too much to do that!
My amazing friend Tiff is doing something similar. She's gone through one month of no bread, and at first I thought the same thing. You go, girl. I'll be over here in the corner, nursing a french baguette. I'm not trying to put words in her mouth, but I have to imagine at some point she's been tempted by a carbalicious beauty, and had to ask God to get her through that moment. Willpower only takes you so far, you know?
But God's will power is everlasting. Even if we have to ask meal by meal, I've learned in this time of sacrifice during Lent, that it is okay to admit that I can't do this alone. That I have to lean on God to get me through a moment of weakness. And if I do, He'll help me. He'll distract me long enough with prayer, bible study, or powerful music to get my mind off of the temptation. If I'm in a restaurant, He'll show me healthier choices. He'll give me a partner who's willing to change his own eating habits so that he doesn't tempt me by eating fries in front of me (nevermind that I threatened bodily harm if he did....) He'll give me friends who understand and offer to walk with me as a form of catching up on the week, instead of going out for food.
I'm not saying I'm giving up bread. But my perspective has changed. If I wanted to, I could. I didn't believe that before Lent started. I didn't think I could even make it with french fries, and yet, here I am. I just need to remember to take this whole healthier living thing day by day, meal by meal, and ask God to help me out when my logical brain says be healthy and my stressed out brain says MARGARITA NOW.
I thought I would have cheated by now, to be honest. Why? Because I'm weak. You might laugh when I tell you that I gave up french fries. For some of you, it would be easy peasy to not have those. But not for me. I luuuuuuuv me some french fries. It's been hard, because it's a comfort food for me when I'm stressed. Pretty much any time we've eaten out, my eyes get a little glazed over before I order something else. Some restaurants I've had to not go to, because I know I wouldn't have the strength to not get the fries (5 Guys, Burger Stand). Assuming I don't have a total melt down over the next 3 days, I'll make my goal and for the first time, know what it's like to give something up and stick with it.
It means more to me this year. In previous years, when I participated in Lent, it was because I wanted to see if I could do it. And then, when the first temptation came around, I've give in, shrug my shoulders, and say oh well, maybe next year. But this year I wanted to reflect on what God gave up-his only son - because he loved us SO much that he wanted us to live forever with Him in his kingdom, and this was the only way we could all be forgiven for our sins. I gave up french fries. It doesn't even scratch the surface of what God went through, but that's okay, because I'm doing this to strengthen my understanding of how great our God is and how big His love is for us because he substituted the death of his son for us.
Over the past few weeks, I've learned a lot about my relationship with God and how it's okay to admit I need His strength to get me through the things that tempt me most...like food cravings for things that aren't beneficial for me, that put that craving ahead of my desire to be obedient to Him. When I first began reading Made to Crave, the author says that we can pick whatever healthy eating plan works for us. For her, it was cutting out all carbs and sugar because she wasn't strong enough to have them in moderation at the beginning of her journey. I read that part a month ago and felt like, well, good for her. I could never do that. I just like my bread WAY too much to do that!
My amazing friend Tiff is doing something similar. She's gone through one month of no bread, and at first I thought the same thing. You go, girl. I'll be over here in the corner, nursing a french baguette. I'm not trying to put words in her mouth, but I have to imagine at some point she's been tempted by a carbalicious beauty, and had to ask God to get her through that moment. Willpower only takes you so far, you know?
But God's will power is everlasting. Even if we have to ask meal by meal, I've learned in this time of sacrifice during Lent, that it is okay to admit that I can't do this alone. That I have to lean on God to get me through a moment of weakness. And if I do, He'll help me. He'll distract me long enough with prayer, bible study, or powerful music to get my mind off of the temptation. If I'm in a restaurant, He'll show me healthier choices. He'll give me a partner who's willing to change his own eating habits so that he doesn't tempt me by eating fries in front of me (nevermind that I threatened bodily harm if he did....) He'll give me friends who understand and offer to walk with me as a form of catching up on the week, instead of going out for food.
I'm not saying I'm giving up bread. But my perspective has changed. If I wanted to, I could. I didn't believe that before Lent started. I didn't think I could even make it with french fries, and yet, here I am. I just need to remember to take this whole healthier living thing day by day, meal by meal, and ask God to help me out when my logical brain says be healthy and my stressed out brain says MARGARITA NOW.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Last time talking about this, I swear.
Wrote out the checks tonight for the taxes.
OW OW OW DOUBLE TRIPLE OW. Never want to pay that much money again unless it's going toward a down payment on a house or car. Character building x 1000000! *deep breath* Okay, it's done. Moving on!
I also transferred some money to our credit card, which is now paid off. So Michael and I are now debt free (shush you student loans, we'll deal with you in due time.) Yay. :)
This update is mainly for my dad, who gets excited when there's a new post for him to read in the morning. Hi pops! Come visit me in May! :D
OW OW OW DOUBLE TRIPLE OW. Never want to pay that much money again unless it's going toward a down payment on a house or car. Character building x 1000000! *deep breath* Okay, it's done. Moving on!
I also transferred some money to our credit card, which is now paid off. So Michael and I are now debt free (shush you student loans, we'll deal with you in due time.) Yay. :)
This update is mainly for my dad, who gets excited when there's a new post for him to read in the morning. Hi pops! Come visit me in May! :D
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A tally of my day
Today I said yes to:
-sunshine
-fellowship with amazing women
-better food choices (cheerios with strawberries, a homemade taco salad, a grilled chicken wrap)
-dog and cat snuggles
-a preplanned purchase of Harry Potter
Today I said no to:
-onion rings
-mindful speech (got into a little argument with the hubby and said something I shouldn't have. All is well now but a d'oh moment)
-laundry
-sunshine
-fellowship with amazing women
-better food choices (cheerios with strawberries, a homemade taco salad, a grilled chicken wrap)
-dog and cat snuggles
-a preplanned purchase of Harry Potter
Today I said no to:
-onion rings
-mindful speech (got into a little argument with the hubby and said something I shouldn't have. All is well now but a d'oh moment)
-laundry
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A case of the Mondays reversed
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things" (Philippians 4:8). I like to call this "parking my mind in a better spot."
It's so easy to park our minds in bad spots. To dwell and rehash and wish things were different. But to think on hard things keeps us in hard spots and only serves to deepen our feelings of emotional emptiness. This is where pity parties are held and we all know pity parties demand an abundance of high-calorie delights, eaten and eaten some more. But pity parties are a cruel way to entertain, for they leave behind a deeper emptiness than we started with in the first place." -Made to Crave
Love this! Yesterday started off not so great. I tried to be grateful for the blessings I have, but a little bit of the pity party still crept in about the whole tax situation. Then my cat puked-twice-on furniture. The house was a mess and the thought of cleaning seemed daunting because all I wanted to do was take a nap.
Before I did that, I checked the mail. In the mail was a handwritten note from my boss, thanking me for helping her with a project we'd slaved over the past month. I was touched that she'd take the time to do that-who gets handwritten letters anymore? But inside the letter was a visa gift card. On all days where a little windfall would be nice, God sent it to me on a day when I needed it most. It was definitely a "quit yer bitchin', I'm here and will provide for you if you freakin' trust me" moment (sometimes I like to picture God talking in slang. It would be funny, don't you think?)
After work, Tisha and I walked a mile and a half-it was one of the most beautiful days of the year. I hadn't even been outside other than to let Penny out, so it felt amazing to get out in the sunshine and spend time with her. Then I came home, ate a delicious taco salad prepared by Michael, and went to growth group, where i played with playdoh and learned about mindful speech.
Funny how a day can turn around when I enjoy the lovely and admirable parts of life, instead of dwelling on the crappier parts. I'm sure God just sits up there smiling when I realize stuff like this, like "attagirl!" Even if he had to use a 2x4 to clue me in.
It's so easy to park our minds in bad spots. To dwell and rehash and wish things were different. But to think on hard things keeps us in hard spots and only serves to deepen our feelings of emotional emptiness. This is where pity parties are held and we all know pity parties demand an abundance of high-calorie delights, eaten and eaten some more. But pity parties are a cruel way to entertain, for they leave behind a deeper emptiness than we started with in the first place." -Made to Crave
Love this! Yesterday started off not so great. I tried to be grateful for the blessings I have, but a little bit of the pity party still crept in about the whole tax situation. Then my cat puked-twice-on furniture. The house was a mess and the thought of cleaning seemed daunting because all I wanted to do was take a nap.
Before I did that, I checked the mail. In the mail was a handwritten note from my boss, thanking me for helping her with a project we'd slaved over the past month. I was touched that she'd take the time to do that-who gets handwritten letters anymore? But inside the letter was a visa gift card. On all days where a little windfall would be nice, God sent it to me on a day when I needed it most. It was definitely a "quit yer bitchin', I'm here and will provide for you if you freakin' trust me" moment (sometimes I like to picture God talking in slang. It would be funny, don't you think?)
After work, Tisha and I walked a mile and a half-it was one of the most beautiful days of the year. I hadn't even been outside other than to let Penny out, so it felt amazing to get out in the sunshine and spend time with her. Then I came home, ate a delicious taco salad prepared by Michael, and went to growth group, where i played with playdoh and learned about mindful speech.
Funny how a day can turn around when I enjoy the lovely and admirable parts of life, instead of dwelling on the crappier parts. I'm sure God just sits up there smiling when I realize stuff like this, like "attagirl!" Even if he had to use a 2x4 to clue me in.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Active Worrying
My very wise friend Sue taught me a concept that deals with moving yourself away from being a person who constantly is wrapped up in the what-ifs, worries, stresses, of life. It's called active worrying. You take whatever is on your mind, REALLY focus and just worry the hell out about it for 2, 5 minutes, and then you put it away. Take that worry and place it in a mental box that you put up on a high shelf for a few hours, so that with practice you become a person who's armed with coping mechanisms when ish hits the fan. It doesn't mean you can't go back to that worry in an hour or two, just that you recognize that in the moment, allowing yourself a precious few minutes to concentrate just on that worry, then move on so you're not wrapped up in the worries on a constant basis.
Um, totally failed that tonight. Michael and I finally finished our taxes after 3 hours of EXTREME WORRYING. For those who get a refund, it's not a big deal to sit down and crank out the paperwork. But I will be honest here and say that Michael and I effed up the calculations last year for how much I owed as an independent contractor. That, combined with us finding out KU never withheld any taxes from Michael's paychecks, resulted in us owing a significant (to us) amount of money this year. We knew we'd owe a lot sometime in January, when Michael did the initial calculations. Our coping mechanism at that time was denial, denial, denial. We have 4 months, let's think about it then. Well, this IS now, no more head in the sand.
It would be easy to get into a funk about this. We're trying really hard to save up enough money for an emergency fund, and the money we're forking over pretty much starts us back out where we were last year. But on the flip side...we have just enough to pay it off in full without having to do a payment plan to the IRS. When we mail the check this week, our bank account will play sad trombone, but we've got a full pantry, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads. I even got a bunch of awesome free stuff from a spring swap Saturday night at Tiff's, including some new shirts, a vase, books, candles, a purse, and (my fav) a giant sundae bowl that says "Yes, I'm pregnant" (Um, dad, don't get excited-I'm not.) And once we get paid this week, I plan on scheduling our LAST LAST LAST credit card payment (!!!!!!!!!!)
So. Through this drama we have grown as a couple about adjusting our way of life and being happy on a budget. I fully admit that I sometimes get caught up in the shiny object of the moment that I "have" to have, but this brings me back to reality: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also-Matthew 6:21. I don't want to face God someday and have him say, "You know Kelly, you were a kind and compassionate soul, but what was up with all the crap you bought that pushed back what you wanted to give to honor me?" Because as far as I know, I'm not going to be able to bring all my candles and soap and whatnot to Heaven. I wonder if angels even need to shower. Probably not? Okay, this took a weird turn. Time for bed.
Um, totally failed that tonight. Michael and I finally finished our taxes after 3 hours of EXTREME WORRYING. For those who get a refund, it's not a big deal to sit down and crank out the paperwork. But I will be honest here and say that Michael and I effed up the calculations last year for how much I owed as an independent contractor. That, combined with us finding out KU never withheld any taxes from Michael's paychecks, resulted in us owing a significant (to us) amount of money this year. We knew we'd owe a lot sometime in January, when Michael did the initial calculations. Our coping mechanism at that time was denial, denial, denial. We have 4 months, let's think about it then. Well, this IS now, no more head in the sand.
It would be easy to get into a funk about this. We're trying really hard to save up enough money for an emergency fund, and the money we're forking over pretty much starts us back out where we were last year. But on the flip side...we have just enough to pay it off in full without having to do a payment plan to the IRS. When we mail the check this week, our bank account will play sad trombone, but we've got a full pantry, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads. I even got a bunch of awesome free stuff from a spring swap Saturday night at Tiff's, including some new shirts, a vase, books, candles, a purse, and (my fav) a giant sundae bowl that says "Yes, I'm pregnant" (Um, dad, don't get excited-I'm not.) And once we get paid this week, I plan on scheduling our LAST LAST LAST credit card payment (!!!!!!!!!!)
So. Through this drama we have grown as a couple about adjusting our way of life and being happy on a budget. I fully admit that I sometimes get caught up in the shiny object of the moment that I "have" to have, but this brings me back to reality: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also-Matthew 6:21. I don't want to face God someday and have him say, "You know Kelly, you were a kind and compassionate soul, but what was up with all the crap you bought that pushed back what you wanted to give to honor me?" Because as far as I know, I'm not going to be able to bring all my candles and soap and whatnot to Heaven. I wonder if angels even need to shower. Probably not? Okay, this took a weird turn. Time for bed.
Friday, April 8, 2011
I feel pretty, oh so pretty (that's in West Side Story, in case you didn't know-I didn't)
Past couple of days have been busy, y'all. Thursday afternoon, I went with Tiff and a couple of her buddies to see West Side Story in downtown Kansas City. They took me to a mongolian restaurant in the Power & Light district for dinner. It was my first visit there and seems pretty cool. The mongolian place was tasty, I threw random meats and veggies into a bowl and asked for udon noodles...somehow it ended up tasting pretty good! We walked around P&L for a little bit since we were early. Did you guys know there's a restaurant in existence called Whopper Bar? I was disappointed to find out it was not a BK with alcohol, but more fancy toppings for your whopper. Pass. I saw an Irish pub I would LOVE to take Michael to at some point. We had a pub in Raleigh we went to a few times called Trali that had really, really, tasty food, and I miss that cuisine....fish & chips, bangers & mash, shepherd's pie...mmm.
So, about West Side Story...I saw the movie a bajillion years ago and vaguely remembered the storyline. For instance, I knew Tonight and America were songs that would be in there at some point. ;) Honestly, I just like shows, it really doesn't matter what it is-if there's singing, you don't have to ask me twice. I liked it, but Tiff and I did think it ended pretty abruptly, though. I wanted to know what happened next! Does Maria become depressed and stay in her room for six months before she moves back to Puerto Rico? Is there a huge wave of violence as the Sharks and Jets continuously get revenge on each other? Or do they realize it would be better to stop the violence and hatred and accept each other? Who knows. Thanks for having me tag along, Tiff! Loved getting out of Lawrence for a little bit. :)
On the way home, I got whiplash. Tiff's friend Laura remarked that as we were driving past a parking lot, she happened to see a guy puking. Everyone else groaned...I whipped my body back so fast to try to catch a glance, you'd think Colin Firth was in the parking lot, not guy-with-montezuma's-revenge. Why did I want to see that so bad? NO IDEA! It was one of those "Why am I doing this?" as I was doing it kind of moments. This is why you can NEVER send me "don't open this email or else..." type of chain mail-my sense of curiosity just gets the best of me. It's also REALLY hard for me to not try to snoop for presents around my birthday/Christmas, or keep secrets with what I've bought for people. You guys don't even know how hard it was for me to not spill the beans that I'd bought Michael an xbox 360 for Christmas last year...I had to buy it Dec 23rd to reduce the risk of telling!
Today was fairly normal. Work as usual. Then I went to see my friend Pam, who is an ah-maaaaazing hair stylist. So let me tell you a story. Back in July 2009, I decided that since Michael and I were moving 1100 miles, finding a new hair stylist wasn't going to be top priority. Also, Michael didn't have a teaching gig his first semester, and my hours were part time, so very low on $=no budget for hair. I didn't want to have several months worth of roots showing. So I had my NC stylist take me from a very light blonde to dark brown.
I KNOW. This was one of the only pictures I could find with my hair brown. Sorry for no makeup-just scroll quickly.
Reaction was varied and pretty polarizing. Some people said I looked way better as a brunette. Others mourned the death of my blondeness. It was funny to hear such extreme opinions.
By November, I was over it, so when we went home for Christmas, I had my NC stylist begin to take me back to my former blonde self. She couldn't just pour bleach all over my head (well, I guess she could have, but that would have sucked), so she did some highlights to get me started and I left NC with a brown/blonde mix. It was lightened a second time in April, when I was back for a few weeks. She planned on doing one more round with me, but by then I'd found someone in Lawrence I felt like I could trust to do this thing. But it never got back to what I really wanted. And I thought I was okay with that, until I saw pictures of me from the Glitz & Glam event. Holy yellow hair batman! So not what I wanted. So I bit the bullet and did the hairdresser break up, which sucks for both parties involved, but was necessary.
So today Pam and I went through a few options she thought would look good based on what I'd already discussed with her. I left my cut up to her, just letting her know I wanted to keep some length.
LU-HUV. And Michael, the king of not having an opinion when it comes to girly stuff like this? Well, I finally found out that this length and color is what he likes best. He didn't have much to say but trust me, he liked it. ;)
So, about West Side Story...I saw the movie a bajillion years ago and vaguely remembered the storyline. For instance, I knew Tonight and America were songs that would be in there at some point. ;) Honestly, I just like shows, it really doesn't matter what it is-if there's singing, you don't have to ask me twice. I liked it, but Tiff and I did think it ended pretty abruptly, though. I wanted to know what happened next! Does Maria become depressed and stay in her room for six months before she moves back to Puerto Rico? Is there a huge wave of violence as the Sharks and Jets continuously get revenge on each other? Or do they realize it would be better to stop the violence and hatred and accept each other? Who knows. Thanks for having me tag along, Tiff! Loved getting out of Lawrence for a little bit. :)
On the way home, I got whiplash. Tiff's friend Laura remarked that as we were driving past a parking lot, she happened to see a guy puking. Everyone else groaned...I whipped my body back so fast to try to catch a glance, you'd think Colin Firth was in the parking lot, not guy-with-montezuma's-revenge. Why did I want to see that so bad? NO IDEA! It was one of those "Why am I doing this?" as I was doing it kind of moments. This is why you can NEVER send me "don't open this email or else..." type of chain mail-my sense of curiosity just gets the best of me. It's also REALLY hard for me to not try to snoop for presents around my birthday/Christmas, or keep secrets with what I've bought for people. You guys don't even know how hard it was for me to not spill the beans that I'd bought Michael an xbox 360 for Christmas last year...I had to buy it Dec 23rd to reduce the risk of telling!
Today was fairly normal. Work as usual. Then I went to see my friend Pam, who is an ah-maaaaazing hair stylist. So let me tell you a story. Back in July 2009, I decided that since Michael and I were moving 1100 miles, finding a new hair stylist wasn't going to be top priority. Also, Michael didn't have a teaching gig his first semester, and my hours were part time, so very low on $=no budget for hair. I didn't want to have several months worth of roots showing. So I had my NC stylist take me from a very light blonde to dark brown.
I KNOW. This was one of the only pictures I could find with my hair brown. Sorry for no makeup-just scroll quickly.
Reaction was varied and pretty polarizing. Some people said I looked way better as a brunette. Others mourned the death of my blondeness. It was funny to hear such extreme opinions.
By November, I was over it, so when we went home for Christmas, I had my NC stylist begin to take me back to my former blonde self. She couldn't just pour bleach all over my head (well, I guess she could have, but that would have sucked), so she did some highlights to get me started and I left NC with a brown/blonde mix. It was lightened a second time in April, when I was back for a few weeks. She planned on doing one more round with me, but by then I'd found someone in Lawrence I felt like I could trust to do this thing. But it never got back to what I really wanted. And I thought I was okay with that, until I saw pictures of me from the Glitz & Glam event. Holy yellow hair batman! So not what I wanted. So I bit the bullet and did the hairdresser break up, which sucks for both parties involved, but was necessary.
So today Pam and I went through a few options she thought would look good based on what I'd already discussed with her. I left my cut up to her, just letting her know I wanted to keep some length.
LU-HUV. And Michael, the king of not having an opinion when it comes to girly stuff like this? Well, I finally found out that this length and color is what he likes best. He didn't have much to say but trust me, he liked it. ;)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Stuck in a cycle of being a victim? There's a way out
Hey peeps-thanks for all the love about my last post. I didn't write it to make you all cry, so apologies for that! It was just one of those things I needed to get out, to get those memories written down so I can go back to them anytime I want. Definitely was an act of healing for me.
Lots of reading happening. Just thought I would share a few quotes that have been on my mind this past week. One "topic" if you will that has been on my mind is the cycle/decision of self-victimization. I have some friends who have been through some incredibly awful abusive situations. It's not my place to tell their stories but they amaze me, truly and honestly. The love for God and people they have, in spite of everything they've gone through, is an inspiration for me to get up each day and live my best life. On the flip side of that, I have some people in my life that seem stuck in their identification as a victim, and part of my heart breaks for them, and the other part desperately wants them to be able to see how their choice to remain fixated on the past is paralyzing them from moving on. Without sticking my nose into other people's business, all I can say is that I'm sure it's something they have to be ready to move out of before they can make peace with their past, forgive, and learn to enjoy the present moment. I want that for everyone who's having trouble letting go of old hurts-even if they go down super deep.
"Either we can be victimized and become victims, or we can be victimized and rise above it. Often it is easier to play the victim than take off our masks and ask for help. We get comfortable with our victim status. It becomes our identity and is hard to give up. The Israelites often played the victim card, and I love what God finally tells them, "You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north" (Deuteronomy 2:3). Turn north! It's time to move on! Self-pity, fear, pride, and negativity paralyze us. Taking off our masks takes courage, but if we don't do it, we will remain in our victim status and end up stunted."-Ruth Graham, in Made to Crave
Granted, that part of the book is talking about breaking free of the cycle of unhealthy eating habits when hard times hit, but I think it can be applied to any type of situation where something happened that we're unable to move forward from. If this is you, whoever you are reading this, I want you to know that no matter what happened in your life, you CAN move on if you give that pain to God. When you forgive, you don't have to trust the person who wronged you, or let them into your life again. You just acknowledge that they don't have a hold over you anymore and that they don't owe you anything to make up for what they did. Because let's face it, if it's a deep, deep, hurt, they'll never be able to make it up to you completely. But God can give you peace and help you move on and enjoy life again. Jim Cymbala, the pastor at Brooklyn Tabernacle, agrees with me (bet he didn't know that, haha). But I was reading this part of Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire last night and it all clicked together so nicely, I can't help but to share it.
"None of us can afford to blame the past indefinitely. Look at Joseph, the young man whose brothers sold him into Egyptian slavery. After being framed by Potiphar's wife, thrown into prison, and forgotten...when he finally married and had a son, he named him Manasseh, which means "to forget". He said, "It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household" (Gen. 41:51). God is more powerful than anybody's past, no matter how wretched. He can make us forget-not by erasing the memory but by taking the sting and paralyzing effect out of it."
This is my prayer for anyone reading this that may feel uncomfortable by what I've just written, because it speaks to you. "God, I pray that you help whoever is reading this and sees their own pattern of self-victimization within these quotes. Whatever awful thing happened to them, it was not their fault, but by choosing to remain fixated on it, they are stuck in that spot and can't truly feel the amazing peace you give when we trust in you. I pray that they start to understand that their identity is so much more than a victim of abuse, and that they take a next step to get help in order to forgive. I know it will be hard, and I am not diminishing the things that happened to them, but I pray that they will let go of that cycle if it's keeping them from living a healthy life. I want them to have joy in their lives again, the kind of joy that happens once we live our lives according to your purpose. Please help them see that you are with them, now and always. In your heavenly name I pray, amen."
That's about all the deep thoughts I have for tonight. Time to watch Extreme Couponing.
Lots of reading happening. Just thought I would share a few quotes that have been on my mind this past week. One "topic" if you will that has been on my mind is the cycle/decision of self-victimization. I have some friends who have been through some incredibly awful abusive situations. It's not my place to tell their stories but they amaze me, truly and honestly. The love for God and people they have, in spite of everything they've gone through, is an inspiration for me to get up each day and live my best life. On the flip side of that, I have some people in my life that seem stuck in their identification as a victim, and part of my heart breaks for them, and the other part desperately wants them to be able to see how their choice to remain fixated on the past is paralyzing them from moving on. Without sticking my nose into other people's business, all I can say is that I'm sure it's something they have to be ready to move out of before they can make peace with their past, forgive, and learn to enjoy the present moment. I want that for everyone who's having trouble letting go of old hurts-even if they go down super deep.
"Either we can be victimized and become victims, or we can be victimized and rise above it. Often it is easier to play the victim than take off our masks and ask for help. We get comfortable with our victim status. It becomes our identity and is hard to give up. The Israelites often played the victim card, and I love what God finally tells them, "You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north" (Deuteronomy 2:3). Turn north! It's time to move on! Self-pity, fear, pride, and negativity paralyze us. Taking off our masks takes courage, but if we don't do it, we will remain in our victim status and end up stunted."-Ruth Graham, in Made to Crave
Granted, that part of the book is talking about breaking free of the cycle of unhealthy eating habits when hard times hit, but I think it can be applied to any type of situation where something happened that we're unable to move forward from. If this is you, whoever you are reading this, I want you to know that no matter what happened in your life, you CAN move on if you give that pain to God. When you forgive, you don't have to trust the person who wronged you, or let them into your life again. You just acknowledge that they don't have a hold over you anymore and that they don't owe you anything to make up for what they did. Because let's face it, if it's a deep, deep, hurt, they'll never be able to make it up to you completely. But God can give you peace and help you move on and enjoy life again. Jim Cymbala, the pastor at Brooklyn Tabernacle, agrees with me (bet he didn't know that, haha). But I was reading this part of Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire last night and it all clicked together so nicely, I can't help but to share it.
"None of us can afford to blame the past indefinitely. Look at Joseph, the young man whose brothers sold him into Egyptian slavery. After being framed by Potiphar's wife, thrown into prison, and forgotten...when he finally married and had a son, he named him Manasseh, which means "to forget". He said, "It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household" (Gen. 41:51). God is more powerful than anybody's past, no matter how wretched. He can make us forget-not by erasing the memory but by taking the sting and paralyzing effect out of it."
This is my prayer for anyone reading this that may feel uncomfortable by what I've just written, because it speaks to you. "God, I pray that you help whoever is reading this and sees their own pattern of self-victimization within these quotes. Whatever awful thing happened to them, it was not their fault, but by choosing to remain fixated on it, they are stuck in that spot and can't truly feel the amazing peace you give when we trust in you. I pray that they start to understand that their identity is so much more than a victim of abuse, and that they take a next step to get help in order to forgive. I know it will be hard, and I am not diminishing the things that happened to them, but I pray that they will let go of that cycle if it's keeping them from living a healthy life. I want them to have joy in their lives again, the kind of joy that happens once we live our lives according to your purpose. Please help them see that you are with them, now and always. In your heavenly name I pray, amen."
That's about all the deep thoughts I have for tonight. Time to watch Extreme Couponing.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man? Measure in love.
I was going to wait to do this until the end of day on March 31st, but I feel called to do this now. Been laying in bed for over an hour and my mind won't shut off.
Most of you know that one year ago today, my mom passed away. She fought a brave battle with kidney cancer, but unfortunately it spread far and wide throughout her body. She was 54 years old.
She led an amazing life in her 54 years on Earth. I KNOW when she entered Heaven, she was greeted by Jesus with a smile, and he told her, "well done, good and faithful servant." You see, my mom was, without a doubt, one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. And I'm not saying that just because she's related to me. I think that's why she ended up in human resources, and worked her way up to becoming an HR Director for a non-profit. She listened to people, judged their situation fairly, and still won over every single coworker, which is hard to do in HR. I remember her telling me stories about cases she was working on with vague details because she couldn't discuss a whole lot, even though she knew there was no chance I would have been able to share anything, because it was the right thing to do, to respect the privacy of her coworkers.
She was southern-she grew up in Manassas, Virginia, and moved to Raleigh because her in-laws moved down there. But she was always, always close to her mom and sister, who still live in Virginia-I think she talked to my Aunt Laura pretty much every night on the phone, sometimes for hours. I wonder now if that ever got on my dad's nerves a bit. :) Some of my best memories from my childhood come from our annual beach vacations with that side of the family in Myrtle Beach. She did not have a southern accent, at least not in my opinion-I guess because Manassas is close to Washington, DC, maybe? I don't think I have an accent for the same reason-Raleigh is such a transplant city with people moving in from all over the country.
Accent or no accent, she instilled quite a few southern traditions in me; namely, sweet tea. She made the BEST sweet tea-oh lord, it was sweet. I'm sure there was enough sugar in there to put a diabetic in a coma. There was always a pitcher of it in the fridge. When we discovered Bojangles, a southern fast food chain, it was like mecca. Homemade biscuits, dirty rice, cajun spiced fried chicken, seasoned french fries, and sweet tea. I still crave it and it's the first place I go after getting off the plane when I go back home. I can't tell you how many times we'd swing through the drive thru after a long day of running errands and recharge our batteries with a large sweet tea and maybe a side of fries, extra seasoning.
On any given weekend you could find mom, my sister, and I out and about running random errands or shopping at the mall. Before a mall was built 10 minutes from our house, the closest mall was about 40 minutes away. It was a special treat to go there, and we often spent all day out there. My sister, Lyndsay, and I got to have hot dogs from the food court, shop in the hello kitty store, and browse in Limited Too and whatever other tween stores we were into at the time. We NEVER let her live down the time we were walking by a Godiva chocolate store and she saw a display of chocolate covered strawberries. Thinking they were samples, she reached her hand in and was about to grab one when the store clerk came running over exclaiming they were for sale only-and I think it was a pretty ridiculous price, something like 3-4 bucks PER strawberry.
As we got older we tolerated letting mom have some shopping time, and she became attached to big, chunky necklaces. Over time she gathered quite a collection, and I began to see them as a part of her. No matter what she was wearing, she always had some sort of funky necklace or scarf on. She began to take us with her when she got manicures and eyebrow waxes at her favorite spa in Wakefield. Ultimately it wasn't the stuff that was collected in these visits that Lyndsay and I cherish-it's all that time that she carved out to be with us.
When I entered my junior year of high school, I started doing color guard with the marching band. She quickly became the guard mom, and traveled with us to all of our competitions. Since our high school was brand spankin' new (my junior year was the first year the marching band existed), our guard was really small and we were very close. She held our emergency bag of bobby pins, sewing kits, lipstick, and God knows what else, helped carry flags, fix our hair, whatever we needed, she was there. People who didn't know her well might have said she was soft spoken-I guess that comes from her HR training, to be calm and collected. But she definitely wasn't afraid to put people in their place when it needed to be done. I'll never forget a competition where my band director was being a grade a asshole. (TMI warning) I had my period and HAD to go to the bathroom, if you know what I'm saying. He didn't want anyone to go, for reasons I still don't understand, and when I got back he screamed at me and made me feel like I had just robbed a bank or something. She calmly stood up and said, "Did you realize my daughter was on her period and needed to change her tampon? What would you have liked her to do, bleed through her uniform and get it all over the bus?" He turned BRIGHT red, and later pulled me aside and gave me a sincere apology.
Lyndsay and I were pretty active with school stuff: color guard, winter guard, choir, plays. She never missed any of it. I did color guard in UNC's marching band my first two years of college, and she and my dad would come just to see me perform at half time and then leave after that. She's shown me that working moms absolutely can make time to support their kids if they are determined to do it.
She was never into computers much. She never got a facebook account, and told us that after spending her work day on the computer, the last thing she wanted to do was come home and get right back on one. She loved, loved, loved to read, and I inherited that from her. She'd take Lyndsay and I to the Wake Forest public library every Saturday morning when we were little-I checked out stacks of Baby Sitter's Club books, Lyndsay got Blue Bird picture books. Then we'd go next door to the candy/coffee shop that always smelled amazing. She'd get coffee and Lyndsay and I would get cherry cokes. She had a particular affinity for Steven King books. Gotta be honest, I still don't really get that :) but she loved them! Maybe that goes along with some of her favorite movies, like the Aliens series and Terminator. She liked chick flick type of stuff too, but the Aliens thing was always sort of a surprise to me. One of her favorite tv shows was Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre World. So this sweet, petite, well mannered woman totally LOVED to watch Andrew eat pig testicles or whatever crazy concoction was on the show.
Her marriage to my dad was atypical. People just don't have the connection they had. They met in high school-in chemistry class. She couldn't light her bunsen burner and had my dad light it for her. They were engaged at the end of their senior year of high school and got married the summer after they graduated from college. They were together 31 years. I'm not naive, and I'm sure they had their up and down moments and thoughts of 'man, you annoy the CRAP out of me!' as we all do, but their love was special. You could just see it in the way they looked at each other. I hope I can have that with Michael as we grow older.
She loved animals-specifically, cats. I remember when I was 6 or 7 and a thin, scraggly looking calico kitten wandered on our back porch on Christmas Eve. We didn't have animals at the time and didn't have any cat food, but my mom couldn't just let the little thing mew at her and not give her anything. So she gave the kitten beans and chopped up hot dog (aka beenie weenie). After that, it was a done deal. I'm sure Lyndsay and I thought mom and dad were letting us keep the cat for us, but there was no mistaking it: that cat (that we named Patches) was my mom's cat. When Patches passed away in 2006, it hit my mom pretty hard. It wasn't too long before my dad took her to the shelter, where she found a gray tabby who poked her paw through the cage and stole my mom's heart. That was Izzy, who became a shadow to my mom. And so was it any surprise that one day I would pick up a fluffy orange cat off the street, walk him up 3 flights of stairs to my apartment, and clean him up with baby wipes because he smelled so bad? ;)
Christmas was her favorite holiday. She made it a big deal, even though when we were growing up we didn't celebrate the religious parts of it. But she'd decorate the entire house, and we'd go out each December and get a live pine tree. She loved to collect ornaments and it seemed like she got a few new ones each year. She became famous within our family and neighborhood for her homemade cinnamon rolls-I swear, she could have gone into business with them, they were that good. On Christmas Eve, she'd spend the entire day in the kitchen making everything from scratch, with my sister and I helping to ice them (and taste test). I think the recipe she had called for around 50, and she usually tripled that. Once they were all done and packaged in colored saran wrap, dad would drive Lyndsay and me around to the neighbors houses to drop off the rolls. Our favorite part of Christmas Eve was getting pizza after that-because what woman in her right mind would cook dinner after all that?-and drive around Raleigh to look at Christmas lights. Her birthday was Dec 26th, and if she ever felt annoyed by that, she didn't really show it. It was nice because she'd be home, so we would go to after Christmas sales, go the movies, out to eat at her favorite restaurants. We tried to not be 'those people' that lumped her Christmas and birthday presents in one gift. For a few years she was collecting her china pattern, so that seemed like a pretty easy gift for my dad to get. She opened up a present from him and we were all speechless. It was a huge, rose pattern vase (to be fair, it WAS in her china pattern) with handles. Finally she said, "Is it a trophy?" And that was it-we HOWLED we were laughing so hard. To this day when we see that in her china hutch we sometimes point to it when my dad is in the room and I think that annoys him, but it makes us smile.
She found God again. I don't know a whole lot about her history with her faith in her childhood, only that she was required to go to a very conservative church twice a week with her family, and by the time she was on her own, she'd had enough. Whatever burned her out was so bad that she never took my sister and I when we were growing up. But somehow, in 2006 she decided to check out a Lutheran church in Raleigh. Then slowly, she and my dad started attending more and more. Before I knew it, she was calling me to tell me they were taking a membership class, were meeting people in the church, and her voice just sounded different. I don't know how to describe it, really, except to say that she seemed complete. When I came home from college I would go with them every now and then on a Sunday, and it was amazing how my parents had woven themselves into this community. They'd introduce me to all these people, and it was evident they had a family there. Her pastor and her friends from that church were there for her when she was first diagnosed in 2006, through remission, and when it came back in 2009 until the very end. Pastor Diane gave the sermon at her funeral-full circle, I suppose. But we could all see the emotion in her as she spoke about my mom, beautifully sending off one of her flock to heaven. That was hard, but I don't know what my family would have done without the support of St. Philip.
In a few hours some of my best friends from EastLake will be coming over. I'm going to have a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. It was one of her absolute favorites-she made Lyndsay and I go see the first film 9 times in the theater with her. She had posters of each movie framed in our computer room and even branched out beyond the trilogy into some of Tolkein's more scholarly works. Going to see The Hobbit, whenever that comes out, will be bittersweet, because I know she would have been eager to see it as well. So this will be a good way for me to remember her today, as I think about my beautiful, amazing mother, who taught me to love with every ounce of my heart, to listen to people when they're hurting, and changed me for the better. The closing of her life opened a new chapter in mine, and for that I will have to thank her whenever it is that I see her again. My pain that I experienced over the last year eventually gave way to a desperate need to seek God, and through that I found EastLake, and then found hope, a church family, healing, and the knowledge that God didn't put me in a valley to leave me there-he met me there, walked me out of it, and made me whole again.
I feel like this could have been her speaking to me last year, as Frodo says to Sam in The Return of the King: "My dear Sam. You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on."
Love you, mom. Miss you, every single day. But thank you-thank you for the lessons you taught me while you were here, and for the ability to grow in my faith after you left. It's because of you that I'm the person I am today. I can't wait to see you again one day-and I know that we will, because I know where you are, and I'll meet you there. But not yet.
Most of you know that one year ago today, my mom passed away. She fought a brave battle with kidney cancer, but unfortunately it spread far and wide throughout her body. She was 54 years old.
She led an amazing life in her 54 years on Earth. I KNOW when she entered Heaven, she was greeted by Jesus with a smile, and he told her, "well done, good and faithful servant." You see, my mom was, without a doubt, one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. And I'm not saying that just because she's related to me. I think that's why she ended up in human resources, and worked her way up to becoming an HR Director for a non-profit. She listened to people, judged their situation fairly, and still won over every single coworker, which is hard to do in HR. I remember her telling me stories about cases she was working on with vague details because she couldn't discuss a whole lot, even though she knew there was no chance I would have been able to share anything, because it was the right thing to do, to respect the privacy of her coworkers.
She was southern-she grew up in Manassas, Virginia, and moved to Raleigh because her in-laws moved down there. But she was always, always close to her mom and sister, who still live in Virginia-I think she talked to my Aunt Laura pretty much every night on the phone, sometimes for hours. I wonder now if that ever got on my dad's nerves a bit. :) Some of my best memories from my childhood come from our annual beach vacations with that side of the family in Myrtle Beach. She did not have a southern accent, at least not in my opinion-I guess because Manassas is close to Washington, DC, maybe? I don't think I have an accent for the same reason-Raleigh is such a transplant city with people moving in from all over the country.
Accent or no accent, she instilled quite a few southern traditions in me; namely, sweet tea. She made the BEST sweet tea-oh lord, it was sweet. I'm sure there was enough sugar in there to put a diabetic in a coma. There was always a pitcher of it in the fridge. When we discovered Bojangles, a southern fast food chain, it was like mecca. Homemade biscuits, dirty rice, cajun spiced fried chicken, seasoned french fries, and sweet tea. I still crave it and it's the first place I go after getting off the plane when I go back home. I can't tell you how many times we'd swing through the drive thru after a long day of running errands and recharge our batteries with a large sweet tea and maybe a side of fries, extra seasoning.
On any given weekend you could find mom, my sister, and I out and about running random errands or shopping at the mall. Before a mall was built 10 minutes from our house, the closest mall was about 40 minutes away. It was a special treat to go there, and we often spent all day out there. My sister, Lyndsay, and I got to have hot dogs from the food court, shop in the hello kitty store, and browse in Limited Too and whatever other tween stores we were into at the time. We NEVER let her live down the time we were walking by a Godiva chocolate store and she saw a display of chocolate covered strawberries. Thinking they were samples, she reached her hand in and was about to grab one when the store clerk came running over exclaiming they were for sale only-and I think it was a pretty ridiculous price, something like 3-4 bucks PER strawberry.
As we got older we tolerated letting mom have some shopping time, and she became attached to big, chunky necklaces. Over time she gathered quite a collection, and I began to see them as a part of her. No matter what she was wearing, she always had some sort of funky necklace or scarf on. She began to take us with her when she got manicures and eyebrow waxes at her favorite spa in Wakefield. Ultimately it wasn't the stuff that was collected in these visits that Lyndsay and I cherish-it's all that time that she carved out to be with us.
When I entered my junior year of high school, I started doing color guard with the marching band. She quickly became the guard mom, and traveled with us to all of our competitions. Since our high school was brand spankin' new (my junior year was the first year the marching band existed), our guard was really small and we were very close. She held our emergency bag of bobby pins, sewing kits, lipstick, and God knows what else, helped carry flags, fix our hair, whatever we needed, she was there. People who didn't know her well might have said she was soft spoken-I guess that comes from her HR training, to be calm and collected. But she definitely wasn't afraid to put people in their place when it needed to be done. I'll never forget a competition where my band director was being a grade a asshole. (TMI warning) I had my period and HAD to go to the bathroom, if you know what I'm saying. He didn't want anyone to go, for reasons I still don't understand, and when I got back he screamed at me and made me feel like I had just robbed a bank or something. She calmly stood up and said, "Did you realize my daughter was on her period and needed to change her tampon? What would you have liked her to do, bleed through her uniform and get it all over the bus?" He turned BRIGHT red, and later pulled me aside and gave me a sincere apology.
Lyndsay and I were pretty active with school stuff: color guard, winter guard, choir, plays. She never missed any of it. I did color guard in UNC's marching band my first two years of college, and she and my dad would come just to see me perform at half time and then leave after that. She's shown me that working moms absolutely can make time to support their kids if they are determined to do it.
She was never into computers much. She never got a facebook account, and told us that after spending her work day on the computer, the last thing she wanted to do was come home and get right back on one. She loved, loved, loved to read, and I inherited that from her. She'd take Lyndsay and I to the Wake Forest public library every Saturday morning when we were little-I checked out stacks of Baby Sitter's Club books, Lyndsay got Blue Bird picture books. Then we'd go next door to the candy/coffee shop that always smelled amazing. She'd get coffee and Lyndsay and I would get cherry cokes. She had a particular affinity for Steven King books. Gotta be honest, I still don't really get that :) but she loved them! Maybe that goes along with some of her favorite movies, like the Aliens series and Terminator. She liked chick flick type of stuff too, but the Aliens thing was always sort of a surprise to me. One of her favorite tv shows was Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre World. So this sweet, petite, well mannered woman totally LOVED to watch Andrew eat pig testicles or whatever crazy concoction was on the show.
Her marriage to my dad was atypical. People just don't have the connection they had. They met in high school-in chemistry class. She couldn't light her bunsen burner and had my dad light it for her. They were engaged at the end of their senior year of high school and got married the summer after they graduated from college. They were together 31 years. I'm not naive, and I'm sure they had their up and down moments and thoughts of 'man, you annoy the CRAP out of me!' as we all do, but their love was special. You could just see it in the way they looked at each other. I hope I can have that with Michael as we grow older.
She loved animals-specifically, cats. I remember when I was 6 or 7 and a thin, scraggly looking calico kitten wandered on our back porch on Christmas Eve. We didn't have animals at the time and didn't have any cat food, but my mom couldn't just let the little thing mew at her and not give her anything. So she gave the kitten beans and chopped up hot dog (aka beenie weenie). After that, it was a done deal. I'm sure Lyndsay and I thought mom and dad were letting us keep the cat for us, but there was no mistaking it: that cat (that we named Patches) was my mom's cat. When Patches passed away in 2006, it hit my mom pretty hard. It wasn't too long before my dad took her to the shelter, where she found a gray tabby who poked her paw through the cage and stole my mom's heart. That was Izzy, who became a shadow to my mom. And so was it any surprise that one day I would pick up a fluffy orange cat off the street, walk him up 3 flights of stairs to my apartment, and clean him up with baby wipes because he smelled so bad? ;)
Christmas was her favorite holiday. She made it a big deal, even though when we were growing up we didn't celebrate the religious parts of it. But she'd decorate the entire house, and we'd go out each December and get a live pine tree. She loved to collect ornaments and it seemed like she got a few new ones each year. She became famous within our family and neighborhood for her homemade cinnamon rolls-I swear, she could have gone into business with them, they were that good. On Christmas Eve, she'd spend the entire day in the kitchen making everything from scratch, with my sister and I helping to ice them (and taste test). I think the recipe she had called for around 50, and she usually tripled that. Once they were all done and packaged in colored saran wrap, dad would drive Lyndsay and me around to the neighbors houses to drop off the rolls. Our favorite part of Christmas Eve was getting pizza after that-because what woman in her right mind would cook dinner after all that?-and drive around Raleigh to look at Christmas lights. Her birthday was Dec 26th, and if she ever felt annoyed by that, she didn't really show it. It was nice because she'd be home, so we would go to after Christmas sales, go the movies, out to eat at her favorite restaurants. We tried to not be 'those people' that lumped her Christmas and birthday presents in one gift. For a few years she was collecting her china pattern, so that seemed like a pretty easy gift for my dad to get. She opened up a present from him and we were all speechless. It was a huge, rose pattern vase (to be fair, it WAS in her china pattern) with handles. Finally she said, "Is it a trophy?" And that was it-we HOWLED we were laughing so hard. To this day when we see that in her china hutch we sometimes point to it when my dad is in the room and I think that annoys him, but it makes us smile.
She found God again. I don't know a whole lot about her history with her faith in her childhood, only that she was required to go to a very conservative church twice a week with her family, and by the time she was on her own, she'd had enough. Whatever burned her out was so bad that she never took my sister and I when we were growing up. But somehow, in 2006 she decided to check out a Lutheran church in Raleigh. Then slowly, she and my dad started attending more and more. Before I knew it, she was calling me to tell me they were taking a membership class, were meeting people in the church, and her voice just sounded different. I don't know how to describe it, really, except to say that she seemed complete. When I came home from college I would go with them every now and then on a Sunday, and it was amazing how my parents had woven themselves into this community. They'd introduce me to all these people, and it was evident they had a family there. Her pastor and her friends from that church were there for her when she was first diagnosed in 2006, through remission, and when it came back in 2009 until the very end. Pastor Diane gave the sermon at her funeral-full circle, I suppose. But we could all see the emotion in her as she spoke about my mom, beautifully sending off one of her flock to heaven. That was hard, but I don't know what my family would have done without the support of St. Philip.
In a few hours some of my best friends from EastLake will be coming over. I'm going to have a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. It was one of her absolute favorites-she made Lyndsay and I go see the first film 9 times in the theater with her. She had posters of each movie framed in our computer room and even branched out beyond the trilogy into some of Tolkein's more scholarly works. Going to see The Hobbit, whenever that comes out, will be bittersweet, because I know she would have been eager to see it as well. So this will be a good way for me to remember her today, as I think about my beautiful, amazing mother, who taught me to love with every ounce of my heart, to listen to people when they're hurting, and changed me for the better. The closing of her life opened a new chapter in mine, and for that I will have to thank her whenever it is that I see her again. My pain that I experienced over the last year eventually gave way to a desperate need to seek God, and through that I found EastLake, and then found hope, a church family, healing, and the knowledge that God didn't put me in a valley to leave me there-he met me there, walked me out of it, and made me whole again.
I feel like this could have been her speaking to me last year, as Frodo says to Sam in The Return of the King: "My dear Sam. You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on."
Love you, mom. Miss you, every single day. But thank you-thank you for the lessons you taught me while you were here, and for the ability to grow in my faith after you left. It's because of you that I'm the person I am today. I can't wait to see you again one day-and I know that we will, because I know where you are, and I'll meet you there. But not yet.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
Last night Tisha, Ericka and I traveled to Independence, MO (about an hour east of Lawrence) to see Chris Tomlin in concert. If you've never heard of him, Chris Tomlin is a Christian rock supahstar. ;) EastLake plays some of his music, which is how I became aware of him. His songs are very catchy, with beautiful lyrics. So when I saw he was touring and coming near Kansas City, I kept asking my church friends until Tish and Ericka agreed to go with me. :) It was like a mini road trip, a great bonding experience. Love those gals!
The concert itself was amazing. I had some fears initially going into it, since I'd never been to a Christian concert EVER, that this would be the type of thing where people would be fainting in the aisles, speaking tongues, etc. Didn't happen. Just LOTS of singing, smiling, praising-it was an uplifting and powerful 2.5 hours. At the very beginning they said there was no agenda that night other than to praise God-whew! Chris is a wonderful performer with great energy and really got the whole arena to come alive as one group. There was a mini sermon, if you will, in the middle of all the songs that was pretty amazing. If I can find it on youtube I'll try to link to it. The pastor started out by reading a few lines of psalm 148, which is talking about praising God, from the heavens, to the stars, the depths of the oceans, and on Earth. He explained how stars emit a frequency as they spin on their axis and that radio telescopes here have been able to capture that sound, so he played a couple of those. Then he played some whale songs that whales use to travel back and forth and find their way to their territories in the ocean. Then he mixed all of that together in a way that was just so beautiful-and THAT is what God's symphony must sound like. How big and awesome is He, that he created a universe so vast that still wants to emit a joyful noise to Him? Incredible. And yet he still cares about each and every one of us, too.
Our God
Sing Sing Sing
The concert itself was amazing. I had some fears initially going into it, since I'd never been to a Christian concert EVER, that this would be the type of thing where people would be fainting in the aisles, speaking tongues, etc. Didn't happen. Just LOTS of singing, smiling, praising-it was an uplifting and powerful 2.5 hours. At the very beginning they said there was no agenda that night other than to praise God-whew! Chris is a wonderful performer with great energy and really got the whole arena to come alive as one group. There was a mini sermon, if you will, in the middle of all the songs that was pretty amazing. If I can find it on youtube I'll try to link to it. The pastor started out by reading a few lines of psalm 148, which is talking about praising God, from the heavens, to the stars, the depths of the oceans, and on Earth. He explained how stars emit a frequency as they spin on their axis and that radio telescopes here have been able to capture that sound, so he played a couple of those. Then he played some whale songs that whales use to travel back and forth and find their way to their territories in the ocean. Then he mixed all of that together in a way that was just so beautiful-and THAT is what God's symphony must sound like. How big and awesome is He, that he created a universe so vast that still wants to emit a joyful noise to Him? Incredible. And yet he still cares about each and every one of us, too.
Our God
Sing Sing Sing
Monday, March 28, 2011
Bracket busted
If you turned on the television, checked facebook, or communicated with the world at all yesterday, you know this Tarheeled Jayhawk had a double whammy of a bracket buster. Both KU AND UNC lost-somewhat deservedly so. Since I had them both in the championship game, my bracket is officially done. Confession: I think I might be more sad about my bracket being messed up than my teams actually losing. I was in first place at EastLake's group bracket-I've never won a bracket pool before! We didn't have any money riding on it, but I may be a wee bit competitive. Oh well...next year, boys!
So along with basketball, I spent my weekend reading. I think I have book ADD, because I can NEVER just have one book at a time. Not sure why that is...SQUIRREL!
What? Right, books. So right now I'm reading my book for my growth group, Made to Crave, which is about Lysa TerKeurst's journey and advice on how to turn to God in place of food when we need comfort, putting him in our plan for a healthy life. It doesn't have a specific food plan or anything, it's more of an emotional/spiritual journey. Loving it so far.
On the nook: Jodi Piccoult's Sing Me Home. It's about a couple who get divorced because the wife is desperate to have a child and they have a stillborn child, and the husband wants to move on. She then gets into a relationship with another woman, while the husband becomes born again and taken in by his brother and his wife. The main plot of the book is a courtroom battle because the wife wants to use their fertilized eggs at a fertility clinic to raise a child with her partner, and the husband wants to give them to his brother and sister in law, and brings in the debate about same sex couples raising children vs traditional families. Not gonna lie, the portrayal of the husband, his pastor, and the homophobia Piccoult gives to the Christian characters makes me uncomfortable. I keep thinking how much these characters need a church like EastLake where they would be accepted no matter what mess they're going through! I do feel like the church the husband goes to is pretty extreme and most people don't have beliefs that go that far-think Westboro Baptist, that is more what Piccoult is going for.
Also just started Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala, the pastor of Brooklyn Tabernacle church in NYC. Only about a chapter in, but it's really interesting-about the history of the church, how Jim and his wife started it with twenty people, and now has over six thousand. My friend Tiff gave it to me because they used prayer as a catalyst for growth, and the story is really about how using prayer can make amazing things happen. Since I just started leading the prayer team at EastLake, it's good for me to get exposed to different ways prayer can make a difference in our lives.
Coming up (as in, arriving from Amazon tomorrow): A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel (my addiction to Real Housewives knows no bounds), and Too Busy Not to Pray.
I guess the point of all of this is to say that if you need to find me, in between work and church, I'll be on the couch with my nose in a book. Unless someone is sitting on it.
I'm sorry, were you busy? Too bad, pay attention to me.
I also will be narrating conversations with my animals.
So along with basketball, I spent my weekend reading. I think I have book ADD, because I can NEVER just have one book at a time. Not sure why that is...SQUIRREL!
What? Right, books. So right now I'm reading my book for my growth group, Made to Crave, which is about Lysa TerKeurst's journey and advice on how to turn to God in place of food when we need comfort, putting him in our plan for a healthy life. It doesn't have a specific food plan or anything, it's more of an emotional/spiritual journey. Loving it so far.
On the nook: Jodi Piccoult's Sing Me Home. It's about a couple who get divorced because the wife is desperate to have a child and they have a stillborn child, and the husband wants to move on. She then gets into a relationship with another woman, while the husband becomes born again and taken in by his brother and his wife. The main plot of the book is a courtroom battle because the wife wants to use their fertilized eggs at a fertility clinic to raise a child with her partner, and the husband wants to give them to his brother and sister in law, and brings in the debate about same sex couples raising children vs traditional families. Not gonna lie, the portrayal of the husband, his pastor, and the homophobia Piccoult gives to the Christian characters makes me uncomfortable. I keep thinking how much these characters need a church like EastLake where they would be accepted no matter what mess they're going through! I do feel like the church the husband goes to is pretty extreme and most people don't have beliefs that go that far-think Westboro Baptist, that is more what Piccoult is going for.
Also just started Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala, the pastor of Brooklyn Tabernacle church in NYC. Only about a chapter in, but it's really interesting-about the history of the church, how Jim and his wife started it with twenty people, and now has over six thousand. My friend Tiff gave it to me because they used prayer as a catalyst for growth, and the story is really about how using prayer can make amazing things happen. Since I just started leading the prayer team at EastLake, it's good for me to get exposed to different ways prayer can make a difference in our lives.
Coming up (as in, arriving from Amazon tomorrow): A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel (my addiction to Real Housewives knows no bounds), and Too Busy Not to Pray.
I guess the point of all of this is to say that if you need to find me, in between work and church, I'll be on the couch with my nose in a book. Unless someone is sitting on it.
I'm sorry, were you busy? Too bad, pay attention to me.
I also will be narrating conversations with my animals.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Figure it out and let's go
The past couple of days have been absolutely gorgeous here in Lawrence. It even hit 80! The daffodils in our yard have sprouted, Penny has taken several naps in the sun, Michael grilled hamburgers for us on Monday. I'm daydreaming about a shopping spree that involves cute cotton tunics and cropped jackets, rearranging my shoes so that flip flops are in the front of my closet.
So of course, there's a chance for snow this weekend. My reaction:
I've been here a year and a half now, so I should be used to this. I even know the laser 105.9 radio slogan (Don't like the weather in Kansas? Wait 20 minutes!) But dang it, pick a season!
In other news, I have a tulip scented candle burning, I have flip flops on, and am firmly living in lala land until Spring does actually get here. So there. :) I received a package today from FedEx-TWO boxes of french vanilla iced coffee kcups! That was such a sweet surprise from my dad. So I've got a LOT to share if anyone wants to try one...hint,hint...
Lots been happening in the past week. This is the fourth week of growth groups and I'm l-u-v'ing mine. On Mondays I get at least 5 minutes of stress relief through mindful breathing and relaxation techniques. We did music therapy this past week which was really interesting. I love thinking of lyrics in a completely different way. My Wednesday group is clicking on a very deep level-I'm so glad we can all be open with each other and find comfort in each other as we work through the book. Had a revelation last night that tied in the book and last week's sermon at church. It was about leading a life of significance instead of success. I think we've probably all heard the phrase "you can't take it with you" when talking about material possessions once we're gone, and it's okay to enjoy nice things, but not at the expense of coveting them above everything else, including your relationship with God. You can't let material things define you-you are not the house you live in, the knick knacks inside of it, the amount of money you have in the bank, etc. Likewise in the book we're reading, women who want to lose weight are not the numbers on the scale. Those numbers signify the amount your body weighs-not your worth.
If I say that over and over, it starts to sink in. I don't have to be anything other than a child of God in order to live a content, happy, fulfilled life. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the other stuff-trust me, I know-but really, that's all I HAVE to be. God will lead me to the next step. Today I took a break from a very hectic work week and ate lunch with my husband. After that, I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical. I hope one of these days I can get myself to make that a regular habit, because I always feel so good when I'm done. Who knows...I did manage to floss regularly last year, so it could happen!
So of course, there's a chance for snow this weekend. My reaction:
I've been here a year and a half now, so I should be used to this. I even know the laser 105.9 radio slogan (Don't like the weather in Kansas? Wait 20 minutes!) But dang it, pick a season!
In other news, I have a tulip scented candle burning, I have flip flops on, and am firmly living in lala land until Spring does actually get here. So there. :) I received a package today from FedEx-TWO boxes of french vanilla iced coffee kcups! That was such a sweet surprise from my dad. So I've got a LOT to share if anyone wants to try one...hint,hint...
Lots been happening in the past week. This is the fourth week of growth groups and I'm l-u-v'ing mine. On Mondays I get at least 5 minutes of stress relief through mindful breathing and relaxation techniques. We did music therapy this past week which was really interesting. I love thinking of lyrics in a completely different way. My Wednesday group is clicking on a very deep level-I'm so glad we can all be open with each other and find comfort in each other as we work through the book. Had a revelation last night that tied in the book and last week's sermon at church. It was about leading a life of significance instead of success. I think we've probably all heard the phrase "you can't take it with you" when talking about material possessions once we're gone, and it's okay to enjoy nice things, but not at the expense of coveting them above everything else, including your relationship with God. You can't let material things define you-you are not the house you live in, the knick knacks inside of it, the amount of money you have in the bank, etc. Likewise in the book we're reading, women who want to lose weight are not the numbers on the scale. Those numbers signify the amount your body weighs-not your worth.
If I say that over and over, it starts to sink in. I don't have to be anything other than a child of God in order to live a content, happy, fulfilled life. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the other stuff-trust me, I know-but really, that's all I HAVE to be. God will lead me to the next step. Today I took a break from a very hectic work week and ate lunch with my husband. After that, I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical. I hope one of these days I can get myself to make that a regular habit, because I always feel so good when I'm done. Who knows...I did manage to floss regularly last year, so it could happen!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Retail Therapy Itch
Gah! I hate when I get like this. Luckily (for my bank account) it doesn't happen *too* often, but man, do I have the fever for new stuff.
It started last night, innocently enough. I needed (NEEDED) more hot chocolate kcups, because they're one of my favorites (and my buddies' favorite, so I need it to lure them to come visit me). While there, I saw iced vanilla coffee kcups, and immediately my brain went something like this: OOOOH MINE. Soo that hopped in my basket. THEN, as I was pulling out my coupon, I saw the store was advertising all of their spring candles, and a new scent: Fluffy Towels. OMG. Okay, I can hear you laughing but I Luh-huv the candles that smell like laundry (Err-clean laundry.) I asked Michael to not let me go to the candle section or I knew I'd be done.
Then we went to JC Penney so Michael could look at their watches. I ended up finding a cute little looks-like-a-bracelet-but-it's-a-watch type watch for moi. Did I need it? Um, no. It's cute, though.
Then today, I caught myself looking at Old Navy for warmer weather shirts. And I want spring towels for the kitchen. And I still want the fluffy towel candle. But I want to save my fun money for other things-this being on a budget thing sucks!
But then I looked on CNN and saw the headline "DEVASTATION IN JAPAN". Gulp. An 8.9 earthquake and following tsunami, hundreds dead and missing, towns under water...holy moly.
What was I whining about again?!?
It started last night, innocently enough. I needed (NEEDED) more hot chocolate kcups, because they're one of my favorites (and my buddies' favorite, so I need it to lure them to come visit me). While there, I saw iced vanilla coffee kcups, and immediately my brain went something like this: OOOOH MINE. Soo that hopped in my basket. THEN, as I was pulling out my coupon, I saw the store was advertising all of their spring candles, and a new scent: Fluffy Towels. OMG. Okay, I can hear you laughing but I Luh-huv the candles that smell like laundry (Err-clean laundry.) I asked Michael to not let me go to the candle section or I knew I'd be done.
Then we went to JC Penney so Michael could look at their watches. I ended up finding a cute little looks-like-a-bracelet-but-it's-a-watch type watch for moi. Did I need it? Um, no. It's cute, though.
Then today, I caught myself looking at Old Navy for warmer weather shirts. And I want spring towels for the kitchen. And I still want the fluffy towel candle. But I want to save my fun money for other things-this being on a budget thing sucks!
But then I looked on CNN and saw the headline "DEVASTATION IN JAPAN". Gulp. An 8.9 earthquake and following tsunami, hundreds dead and missing, towns under water...holy moly.
What was I whining about again?!?
Friday, March 4, 2011
TGIF
Y'all, it's been a pretty awesome week. Random box of goodies from my dad came in the mail, including a groupon for an awesome piece of photography name art. That will get here in about 3 weeks. Thanks pops! I'm ashamed to say that it took me 26 years to finally try Chipotle (hey, sometimes I'm a little slow, okay? You still love me, right?) Had it last Saturday and again with Anna on Wednesday for lunch. Might need to pace myself. Also, I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty sure I've lucked out into having the best growth groups out there (small groups from church).
...okay, maybe I do want to brag. They are just the bomb! The first one is a meditation/relaxation group, where we're going to practice mindful breathing, relaxation techniques, and the art of listening, really listening, engaging in what God is telling us. It's a great group of women. My second group is a study of the book called Made to Crave, which is about how to turn to God instead of food for comfort. I'm very curious to see how this goes. The women in this group are fantastic as well. We laughed, we cried, we just relate to each other so well. I am so PUMPED for this season of groups!
So even though it's rainy and gross outside, I'm feeling...light. Which has turned into productivity, yay! In between work stuff I've vacuumed, swiffered, and am on load #4 of laundry. Hoping to get most of this stuff done so my weekend can be free of household cleaning. It's gonna be a busy weekend.
Also: strawberry diet cokes from Sonic=happiness. Especially when they are half price during Happy Hour. It really doesn't take much for me, if you haven't figured that out.
...okay, maybe I do want to brag. They are just the bomb! The first one is a meditation/relaxation group, where we're going to practice mindful breathing, relaxation techniques, and the art of listening, really listening, engaging in what God is telling us. It's a great group of women. My second group is a study of the book called Made to Crave, which is about how to turn to God instead of food for comfort. I'm very curious to see how this goes. The women in this group are fantastic as well. We laughed, we cried, we just relate to each other so well. I am so PUMPED for this season of groups!
So even though it's rainy and gross outside, I'm feeling...light. Which has turned into productivity, yay! In between work stuff I've vacuumed, swiffered, and am on load #4 of laundry. Hoping to get most of this stuff done so my weekend can be free of household cleaning. It's gonna be a busy weekend.
Also: strawberry diet cokes from Sonic=happiness. Especially when they are half price during Happy Hour. It really doesn't take much for me, if you haven't figured that out.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Little things make it count
Last week was pretty great because:
-The weather was a glorious, glorious break from the arctic cold we've had the past couple of months. I went outside without a jacket, sat on the deck in the sunshine and watched Penny run. She ran and ran, making circles in the mud, which I'm sure felt wonderful after being cooped up. It earned her a bath, which she did not love, but that is the price a little greyhound must pay for muddy freedom.
-We grilled cheeseburgers outside and ate them with wheat beer and onion rings. All I needed was a side of beefsteak tomatoes and it would have been a typical Rowland summer bbq.
-Last Monday a kind man delivered a bouquet of roses and carnations from my sweetie. That night we dined on heart shaped pancakes, both anatomically correct and the typical <3 kind. The next day, a package arrived. It was a photo book of pictures from our lives together thus far, from 2004-2010. He picked everything out, designed the layouts, and put a lot of thought into it. My favorite. :)
-Had lunch at my fav restaurant, 715, with two wonderful EastLake ladies. I continue to be amazed and honored at the friendships God is entrusting me to have here. After lunch, Tish and I went to see Black Swan. It was creepy-good.
Today's summary: phone calls, data entry, prayer, online shopping, wore mom's pearl necklace around the house, cleaning, homemade pizza, snuggles.
Not bad for a Monday.
-The weather was a glorious, glorious break from the arctic cold we've had the past couple of months. I went outside without a jacket, sat on the deck in the sunshine and watched Penny run. She ran and ran, making circles in the mud, which I'm sure felt wonderful after being cooped up. It earned her a bath, which she did not love, but that is the price a little greyhound must pay for muddy freedom.
-We grilled cheeseburgers outside and ate them with wheat beer and onion rings. All I needed was a side of beefsteak tomatoes and it would have been a typical Rowland summer bbq.
-Last Monday a kind man delivered a bouquet of roses and carnations from my sweetie. That night we dined on heart shaped pancakes, both anatomically correct and the typical <3 kind. The next day, a package arrived. It was a photo book of pictures from our lives together thus far, from 2004-2010. He picked everything out, designed the layouts, and put a lot of thought into it. My favorite. :)
-Had lunch at my fav restaurant, 715, with two wonderful EastLake ladies. I continue to be amazed and honored at the friendships God is entrusting me to have here. After lunch, Tish and I went to see Black Swan. It was creepy-good.
Today's summary: phone calls, data entry, prayer, online shopping, wore mom's pearl necklace around the house, cleaning, homemade pizza, snuggles.
Not bad for a Monday.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Eep! Long break huh?
Sorry for the unexpected hiatus! Wasn't intentional. About a week after my last post I became really ill. Thought I had the flu and actually went and got tested (I am one of those types that doesn't go to the doctor until it's absolutely necessary). I didn't have it, but I had every symptom and it took forever for me to bounce back. Had a couple of days of feeling good, during which I helped put together a fantastic event for the ladies at my church, and then promptly got sick again the next week. Bah!! Right now I'm dealing with a scary sounding cough that is just refusing to leave....grrr!
Hopefully soon I'll put together a better post. Just wanted to say I haven't forgotten about this little blog!
Hopefully soon I'll put together a better post. Just wanted to say I haven't forgotten about this little blog!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Unspeakable tragedy in AZ
Sheriff Clarence Dupnik, speaking about Arizona:
"When you look at unbalanced people, how they respond to the vitriol that comes out of certain mouths about tearing down the government. The anger, the hatred, the bigotry that goes on in this country is getting to be outrageous. And, unfortunately, Arizona I think has become sort of the capital. We have become the Mecca for prejudice and bigotry.
"It's not unusual for all public officials to get threats constantly, myself included. And that's the sad thing of what's going on in America. Pretty soon, we're not going to be able to find reasonable, decent people who are willing to subject themselves to serve in public office." -A-freaking-men.
Yesterday's tragic shooting at a Safeway grocery store in Arizona killed six people, including a 9 year old girl, and wounded many others, including a devastating head injury to Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who is probably not out of the woods yet and fighting for her life. It's a miracle she's still alive after a bullet to the head.
Something has to change in this country. This is reminding me of guerilla warfare tactics in third world countries. What is America coming to, if our elected public officials fear for their lives every time they go out in public? We are better than this, Democrats and Republicans alike. This is not a political party issue, we must all unite that the hatred has to stop. Put away your political zeal for wanting the entire nation to believe the same way you do. We were founded on the belief that a democratic system could work, after all, because our founders wanted to get AWAY from a system where everything was decided for them. It's okay to not agree with the choices your government is making. But if the response is to go out and shoot someone, maybe we need to look a little closer at the line between free speech and hate speech.
Love your government leaders, no matter what party they are. Pray for them, even if you don't agree with them. There's always a chance to make your voice heard...it's called voting. We are blessed beyond belief in this country with our freedom of choice, freedom of speech, but this way of acting out...of killing our elected public officials...this is not right. Maybe we as a country need to make a change in the way we express our opinions about the "other" side, the one we didn't vote for. The hate definitely goes both ways, and look where it's gotten us so far. I know quite a few people in my own life who spew such HATEFUL messages both ways...it's time to take a look at what your words are really doing.
My heart breaks for the families who lost loved ones yesterday.
"When you look at unbalanced people, how they respond to the vitriol that comes out of certain mouths about tearing down the government. The anger, the hatred, the bigotry that goes on in this country is getting to be outrageous. And, unfortunately, Arizona I think has become sort of the capital. We have become the Mecca for prejudice and bigotry.
"It's not unusual for all public officials to get threats constantly, myself included. And that's the sad thing of what's going on in America. Pretty soon, we're not going to be able to find reasonable, decent people who are willing to subject themselves to serve in public office." -A-freaking-men.
Yesterday's tragic shooting at a Safeway grocery store in Arizona killed six people, including a 9 year old girl, and wounded many others, including a devastating head injury to Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who is probably not out of the woods yet and fighting for her life. It's a miracle she's still alive after a bullet to the head.
Something has to change in this country. This is reminding me of guerilla warfare tactics in third world countries. What is America coming to, if our elected public officials fear for their lives every time they go out in public? We are better than this, Democrats and Republicans alike. This is not a political party issue, we must all unite that the hatred has to stop. Put away your political zeal for wanting the entire nation to believe the same way you do. We were founded on the belief that a democratic system could work, after all, because our founders wanted to get AWAY from a system where everything was decided for them. It's okay to not agree with the choices your government is making. But if the response is to go out and shoot someone, maybe we need to look a little closer at the line between free speech and hate speech.
Love your government leaders, no matter what party they are. Pray for them, even if you don't agree with them. There's always a chance to make your voice heard...it's called voting. We are blessed beyond belief in this country with our freedom of choice, freedom of speech, but this way of acting out...of killing our elected public officials...this is not right. Maybe we as a country need to make a change in the way we express our opinions about the "other" side, the one we didn't vote for. The hate definitely goes both ways, and look where it's gotten us so far. I know quite a few people in my own life who spew such HATEFUL messages both ways...it's time to take a look at what your words are really doing.
My heart breaks for the families who lost loved ones yesterday.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Sparkle time
One thing you may or may not know about me is that I love all things that sparkle. This does not necessarily mean jewelry. See exhibits a, b, and c:
Tom's shoes (a company, not some guy named Tom who I shanked to get his sparkly silver shoes. I wouldn't do that...) They are ridiculously comfortable. And what's even cooler is that the company gives a pair of shoes to a child who needs a pair for every pair that's sold.
So this is a sneak peek of my skirt for the Glitz & Glam event being held on Feb 5th. It'll be a fun time for the ladies of EastLake to get together, have a drink out on the town, laugh, dress up (if you want), and get to know each other better. This pic is all you're getting until Feb 5th...you'll have to come to see the rest of the sequin-y goodness.
Even my nail polish gets some bling. My grandma bought me this nail polish for Christmas. She gets me.
Tom's shoes (a company, not some guy named Tom who I shanked to get his sparkly silver shoes. I wouldn't do that...) They are ridiculously comfortable. And what's even cooler is that the company gives a pair of shoes to a child who needs a pair for every pair that's sold.
So this is a sneak peek of my skirt for the Glitz & Glam event being held on Feb 5th. It'll be a fun time for the ladies of EastLake to get together, have a drink out on the town, laugh, dress up (if you want), and get to know each other better. This pic is all you're getting until Feb 5th...you'll have to come to see the rest of the sequin-y goodness.
Even my nail polish gets some bling. My grandma bought me this nail polish for Christmas. She gets me.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Reflections on 2010
2010 is officially in the past (well, in central time, anyway). I'd be lying if I said I was sad to see it go. 2010 was a pretty tough year for me. I experienced the death of my mother, my first broken bone, a crisis in faith, and derailed my attempts from earlier in the year to lead a healthy lifestyle with my eating habits. I joked with my dad that I wished I could be one of those people that didn't feel like eating every time they were depressed. Alas.
But. In spite of all of that, I can honestly say 2010, in addition to being one of the worst years of my life, was also one of the best. How can that be? It's simple. I'll remember this year forever as the year that God became real to me, not just a "thing" to half-heartedly believe in because I was supposed to do it. Sometimes when you're facing overwhelming emotions that stem from grief, you get to a point where you have to go right or left. You're so angry, so devastated at the world and why you're left here without the person that made it shine for you, that your soul can't bear those feelings alone anymore. Having compassionate and caring family and friends helps. But eventually you have to choose. You can give it all to God, put your faith in His plan to help you use the pain you're feeling to grow you in a way you'd never imagine. Or you can shut the door and move on with your life without him, but the coping mechanisms will never quite measure up.
You never know what you'll find beyond the door unless you open it and take that first step. Once I decided I needed His help and let Him back into my life, God led me to EastLake...through Facebook, of all places. I know how weird that might sound, but it's true. At first it was a place with good music and interesting sermons. Then it became a way to take practical steps to continue growing in my faith. Finally, EastLake became my church family.
The past six months have been nothing short of incredible. Lifelong friends have been made. Penny the greyhound settled in and now I can't even remember a time when she wasn't part of our lives. Lawrence is no longer a pit stop for Michael and I...we are glad to call it home. I was baptized on October 29th. Multiple family members came to Kansas to visit us, and those visits were treasured. I've started this new thing whenever I'm having trouble deciding what to do about something-I pray about it. And the crazy thing is, I'm starting to hear God answer me. (Not in a crazy talking and answering myself kind of way). But I get these little tugs on my heart telling me to do things that I'm not sure I would have, had I closed the door to a relationship with Him. So far, those heart tugs have led me to an enriching, fulfilling life, despite the occasional screw up. A life I think my mom could be proud of...and I like to think that she is. And even though I'm "religious" now, I'm still (fairly) normal. I'm pretty sure, anyway.
I decided earlier in this year that my tribute to my mom was going to be to live my best life each and every day, with no regrets. I will teach her grandchildren about how she lived her life with passion for the things she enjoyed, like her job, her family, her faith, her cats, her love of the beach. It just sucks that it took her leaving this Earth for me to fully understand how short and precious our lives are. So that will be my resolution for 2011. Not something ridiculous like lose 20 pounds (though that would be nice). My resolution for 2011 is to laugh everyday, rejoice in the gift of salvation, tell my friends and family how much they mean to me, and spread the good news about the things I am passionate about: God, books, sweet tea, The Big Bang Theory, UNC, greyhound adoption, and Amazon prime. (I didn't say they were all *deep* things).
Cheers to a fantastic 2011.
But. In spite of all of that, I can honestly say 2010, in addition to being one of the worst years of my life, was also one of the best. How can that be? It's simple. I'll remember this year forever as the year that God became real to me, not just a "thing" to half-heartedly believe in because I was supposed to do it. Sometimes when you're facing overwhelming emotions that stem from grief, you get to a point where you have to go right or left. You're so angry, so devastated at the world and why you're left here without the person that made it shine for you, that your soul can't bear those feelings alone anymore. Having compassionate and caring family and friends helps. But eventually you have to choose. You can give it all to God, put your faith in His plan to help you use the pain you're feeling to grow you in a way you'd never imagine. Or you can shut the door and move on with your life without him, but the coping mechanisms will never quite measure up.
You never know what you'll find beyond the door unless you open it and take that first step. Once I decided I needed His help and let Him back into my life, God led me to EastLake...through Facebook, of all places. I know how weird that might sound, but it's true. At first it was a place with good music and interesting sermons. Then it became a way to take practical steps to continue growing in my faith. Finally, EastLake became my church family.
The past six months have been nothing short of incredible. Lifelong friends have been made. Penny the greyhound settled in and now I can't even remember a time when she wasn't part of our lives. Lawrence is no longer a pit stop for Michael and I...we are glad to call it home. I was baptized on October 29th. Multiple family members came to Kansas to visit us, and those visits were treasured. I've started this new thing whenever I'm having trouble deciding what to do about something-I pray about it. And the crazy thing is, I'm starting to hear God answer me. (Not in a crazy talking and answering myself kind of way). But I get these little tugs on my heart telling me to do things that I'm not sure I would have, had I closed the door to a relationship with Him. So far, those heart tugs have led me to an enriching, fulfilling life, despite the occasional screw up. A life I think my mom could be proud of...and I like to think that she is. And even though I'm "religious" now, I'm still (fairly) normal. I'm pretty sure, anyway.
I decided earlier in this year that my tribute to my mom was going to be to live my best life each and every day, with no regrets. I will teach her grandchildren about how she lived her life with passion for the things she enjoyed, like her job, her family, her faith, her cats, her love of the beach. It just sucks that it took her leaving this Earth for me to fully understand how short and precious our lives are. So that will be my resolution for 2011. Not something ridiculous like lose 20 pounds (though that would be nice). My resolution for 2011 is to laugh everyday, rejoice in the gift of salvation, tell my friends and family how much they mean to me, and spread the good news about the things I am passionate about: God, books, sweet tea, The Big Bang Theory, UNC, greyhound adoption, and Amazon prime. (I didn't say they were all *deep* things).
Cheers to a fantastic 2011.
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