Reflections on 2010

2010 is officially in the past (well, in central time, anyway). I'd be lying if I said I was sad to see it go. 2010 was a pretty tough year for me. I experienced the death of my mother, my first broken bone, a crisis in faith, and derailed my attempts from earlier in the year to lead a healthy lifestyle with my eating habits. I joked with my dad that I wished I could be one of those people that didn't feel like eating every time they were depressed. Alas.

But. In spite of all of that, I can honestly say 2010, in addition to being one of the worst years of my life, was also one of the best. How can that be? It's simple. I'll remember this year forever as the year that God became real to me, not just a "thing" to half-heartedly believe in because I was supposed to do it. Sometimes when you're facing overwhelming emotions that stem from grief, you get to a point where you have to go right or left. You're so angry, so devastated at the world and why you're left here without the person that made it shine for you, that your soul can't bear those feelings alone anymore. Having compassionate and caring family and friends helps. But eventually you have to choose. You can give it all to God, put your faith in His plan to help you use the pain you're feeling to grow you in a way you'd never imagine. Or you can shut the door and move on with your life without him, but the coping mechanisms will never quite measure up.

You never know what you'll find beyond the door unless you open it and take that first step. Once I decided I needed His help and let Him back into my life, God led me to EastLake...through Facebook, of all places. I know how weird that might sound, but it's true. At first it was a place with good music and interesting sermons. Then it became a way to take practical steps to continue growing in my faith. Finally, EastLake became my church family.

The past six months have been nothing short of incredible. Lifelong friends have been made. Penny the greyhound settled in and now I can't even remember a time when she wasn't part of our lives. Lawrence is no longer a pit stop for Michael and I...we are glad to call it home. I was baptized on October 29th. Multiple family members came to Kansas to visit us, and those visits were treasured. I've started this new thing whenever I'm having trouble deciding what to do about something-I pray about it. And the crazy thing is, I'm starting to hear God answer me. (Not in a crazy talking and answering myself kind of way). But I get these little tugs on my heart telling me to do things that I'm not sure I would have, had I closed the door to a relationship with Him. So far, those heart tugs have led me to an enriching, fulfilling life, despite the occasional screw up. A life I think my mom could be proud of...and I like to think that she is. And even though I'm "religious" now, I'm still (fairly) normal. I'm pretty sure, anyway.

I decided earlier in this year that my tribute to my mom was going to be to live my best life each and every day, with no regrets. I will teach her grandchildren about how she lived her life with passion for the things she enjoyed, like her job, her family, her faith, her cats, her love of the beach. It just sucks that it took her leaving this Earth for me to fully understand how short and precious our lives are. So that will be my resolution for 2011. Not something ridiculous like lose 20 pounds (though that would be nice). My resolution for 2011 is to laugh everyday, rejoice in the gift of salvation, tell my friends and family how much they mean to me, and spread the good news about the things I am passionate about: God, books, sweet tea, The Big Bang Theory, UNC, greyhound adoption, and Amazon prime. (I didn't say they were all *deep* things).

Cheers to a fantastic 2011.