Active Worrying

My very wise friend Sue taught me a concept that deals with moving yourself away from being a person who constantly is wrapped up in the what-ifs, worries, stresses, of life. It's called active worrying. You take whatever is on your mind, REALLY focus and just worry the hell out about it for 2, 5 minutes, and then you put it away. Take that worry and place it in a mental box that you put up on a high shelf for a few hours, so that with practice you become a person who's armed with coping mechanisms when ish hits the fan. It doesn't mean you can't go back to that worry in an hour or two, just that you recognize that in the moment, allowing yourself a precious few minutes to concentrate just on that worry, then move on so you're not wrapped up in the worries on a constant basis.

Um, totally failed that tonight. Michael and I finally finished our taxes after 3 hours of EXTREME WORRYING. For those who get a refund, it's not a big deal to sit down and crank out the paperwork. But I will be honest here and say that Michael and I effed up the calculations last year for how much I owed as an independent contractor. That, combined with us finding out KU never withheld any taxes from Michael's paychecks, resulted in us owing a significant (to us) amount of money this year. We knew we'd owe a lot sometime in January, when Michael did the initial calculations. Our coping mechanism at that time was denial, denial, denial. We have 4 months, let's think about it then. Well, this IS now, no more head in the sand.

It would be easy to get into a funk about this. We're trying really hard to save up enough money for an emergency fund, and the money we're forking over pretty much starts us back out where we were last year. But on the flip side...we have just enough to pay it off in full without having to do a payment plan to the IRS. When we mail the check this week, our bank account will play sad trombone, but we've got a full pantry, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads. I even got a bunch of awesome free stuff from a spring swap Saturday night at Tiff's, including some new shirts, a vase, books, candles, a purse, and (my fav) a giant sundae bowl that says "Yes, I'm pregnant" (Um, dad, don't get excited-I'm not.) And once we get paid this week, I plan on scheduling our LAST LAST LAST credit card payment (!!!!!!!!!!)

So. Through this drama we have grown as a couple about adjusting our way of life and being happy on a budget. I fully admit that I sometimes get caught up in the shiny object of the moment that I "have" to have, but this brings me back to reality: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also-Matthew 6:21. I don't want to face God someday and have him say, "You know Kelly, you were a kind and compassionate soul, but what was up with all the crap you bought that pushed back what you wanted to give to honor me?" Because as far as I know, I'm not going to be able to bring all my candles and soap and whatnot to Heaven. I wonder if angels even need to shower. Probably not? Okay, this took a weird turn. Time for bed.