EastLake

Yesterday was a pretty awesome day. I spent a couple of hours at EastLake 101, an info session for prospective members. At the end of the session I decided to become a member! This is my first time ever officially being a member of a church. I didn't grow up attending church, and actually didn't really have any faith in God until around my freshman year in college. Even though I made a decision at that time to believe in everything Jesus did for us, not much happened after that other than me occasionally reading the bible. Looking back, I guess I didn't know where to start, since I'd never been before, and it was hard to make that first step. I was also happy with the way my life was going on Sundays, with winter guard practices, brunches, hanging out with friends...I was too "busy" for church. It was only when my parents found a Lutheran church in Raleigh in 2006 that I thought maybe, at some point, I should look into this. I went with them a few times, basically whenever I was home, and liked their pastors a lot, but there were some things about their service that didn't completely mesh with my style. But I saw the effect that gaining a church family had on my mom and dad...they were happier, their relationship with God grew exponentially, and it gave them an outlet of resources beyond just having a place to go to serve God. When mom got sick, the church community was there for her until the very end, and still continue to be there for my dad. Words cannot describe how important and amazing that is.

When we moved to Lawrence, I'd hoped that I would find something similar. We churched shopped infrequently, just whenever the mood hit. Found a couple of places that were full of good people, but again the fit didn't seem quite right. We gave up until May, when I happened to see an ad for a new church on Facebook. What caught my eye immediately was "no weird stuff" advertised on EastLake's website. How people communicate with God is a completely individual decision, but I have to admit I am not comfortable with hand raising, judgment, boring (to me) hymns, pomp and circumstance, shouting pastors, speaking in tongues...it's just not me. I was fighting an inner battle of years of being wary of "crazy" Christians and my desire to get to know God. After a couple of services I was hooked. The songs are awesome-no boring hymns, but loud Christian rock where I can sing without worrying someone will hear me. ;) The sermons are even better. Matt is funny, personable, and the topics teach me something every single week and help me take practical steps so I can grow in my faith.

After a couple of times going to EastLake I decided to jump into a growth group. It's like a small group they do 3 times a year, doesn't have to be study related though. Some are just hanging out and having a beer, playing basketball...there's something for everyone. I felt a tug to join a particular group that was studying an Anne Lamott book since she was one of my mom's favorite authors-I'd actually downloaded a book on an ereader that we were going to read together before she passed away. I didn't know why God was telling me to do this particular group, but I just decided to listen. I'm so glad I did. Although the book had some really poignant, funny, memorable passages that helped me really think about some things, what this group gave me was that they helped me deal with my mom's death and talk about it openly. Before EastLake I didn't really have anyone in Lawrence I could talk about it with. My dad and sister are in NC, and we talk on the phone all the time, but sometimes you just need face to face interaction. They might not know it, but they helped me realize something I'd been too scared to admit: that because losing my mom hurt so much, I doubted whether I even wanted to have children because what if someday this happens to me? How could I put my children through the pain I'm feeling? But they asked me if somehow, if my mom would have known in advance what was going to happen to her, if she would have decided not to have children, what did I think she would do? I answered immediately that she would have still had us, because we loved each other so, so much and had so many wonderful happy years together. And I can't put my life on hold because of the possibility of something bad happening. Mom would have wanted me to live each day without regret, fully enjoying my time with my family. And that gives me peace about starting my own family when the time is right. I know not all women are lucky enough to have a mother like I had, and I took that for granted sometimes. But now I can look back on SO many good memories, and even though the grief is still there, I can smile, too.

This is verging on rambling now, but anyway...I'm excited to see what's in store next. Because I do have a church family now...and as much as they help me, I hope I can return the favor.